


Change In Pressure

by loveoverpride



Category: Actor RPF, Josh Hutcherson - Fandom, Real Person Fiction
Genre: Actors, Background Dancers, Dancers, F/M, New York City
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-06
Updated: 2015-01-05
Packaged: 2018-01-18 07:58:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 26,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1420549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loveoverpride/pseuds/loveoverpride
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I am a performer.  I am a diva.  I am a bitch, baby.  I know what I want. No, really. I know what I want.  What I didn't know…was how <i>he</i> was going to change my life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

"5, 6, 7, 8! Let’s go!”

The boisterous bass lines rang in my ears as I chasséd across the floor.

Flick, jump, pop, hold.  

Creating shapes with my body as I move to the music. Hitting every beat when asked to. Planting myself in a plié before I complete a triple pirouette. I find my spot and go for it.

Giving the audience “fierce” ten times over when I finished perfectly. I wanted everyone to see me and what I could do. As the other dancers walked their way to the front, I waited for my turn to outshine them all.  

“Work it, Gabrielle! That’s what I’m talking about.”

I felt a burst of energy as I heard the choreographer shout my name. For the last 32 counts of our combination, I gave all I had, added extra flare when I contorted my figure, and stretched my arms out.

The group sitting around us and at the production table applauded.  The choreographer ran to the front of the room.

“Great work, everyone. I’ll see you on Monday to review everything and start another piece for the tour.”  

I clapped in appreciation (the norm for every class or rehearsal's end), then found my huge dance bag in the corner.  I took out a towel to wipe myself down, and my huge water bottle. I always liked decompressing after a long rehearsal.

_I am a performer._

A soft hand grasped my sweaty shoulder.  

It was Evan, the show’s director. He had a strong desire for perfection and unbelievable commitment. I knew I was the right girl for him, because I could give him all of those things.

“Loved your performance today. Keep it up, alright?”

I smiled and replied, “Thank you. I will.”

“Great,” he beamed. “I’ll catch you on the flip side.”

I waited until he walked away to unravel my thick, dark hair out of its’ rubber band.  Other dancers came to me. Giving me hollow compliments, asking for advice to keep up with the group. I kindly responded, but inwardly resenting them bothering me. I needed to leave. I had a schedule to keep and I didn’t have time for them.

It was all about me.

_I am a diva._

As if someone read my thoughts, people started to leave; I smiled as they walked away. I packed up my belongings and changed my sneakers. A text from my brother informed me of the evening's plans.

Laughter distracted me; it was coming from across the room.  Evan was talking to someone I never saw before.

The man appeared to be a few inches taller than me. Casually dressed in jeans and some band t-shirt. I noticed he expressed himself with his hands. A lot. Some of the annoying dancers raced to him, saying "hi", and taking pictures. Interesting stuff because he looked some hot-shot socialite's son or nephew.

Evan laughed or commented loudly as each interaction occurred. He and this man glanced over to where I was sitting.  Several times. That made me a bit uncomfortable.

"Gabrielle," Evan called out. "Come over here."

Rolling my eyes, but never wanting to disappoint Evan, I sauntered to him.

"Yes, Evan?"

"I want you to meet Josh. He's going to be in the music video I'm directing. I think you two would be a great combo for this concept."

I crossed my arms while I eyed this "Josh" fellow. I was already over this conversation.

Josh extended his hand, "Hi, Gabrielle. Nice to meet you."

"Hello," I returned the gesture.

Evan proudly stated, "Josh is an actor from L.A. I know you've seen his work."

Twisting my lips, I answered with a hint of boredom. "Probably."

My quick response surprised Evan. He raised his eyebrow, giving me a silent correction.

Josh chuckled. "Don't worry. If we work together, I won't make you look bad."

"You won't."

I didn't smile, but he did.

"Have you done music videos before? I haven't."

I was not in the mood for small talk. "Yes, but I'm picky."

_I am a bitch, baby._

The irritation was clearly expressed on Evan's face. "Don't mind her, Josh. She's very particular."

"I have my reasons," I interrupted. "I just won't take any gig."

Josh rubbed his chin, in deference. "As well as you shouldn't.  By the way, I've heard great things about you. I think we would have lots of fun."

That was the problem. I didn't believe in having fun while working.

Evan added, "Shooting will take place here in the city.  The artist wants everything done by August, so it will work in your schedules."

"I'll have to talk to my agent," I said.

"That's a great start."

I squinted my eyes. Josh seemed to be too eager about this. I couldn't tell if he was trying to suck up to Evan or myself.

Having worked with me for the past three months, Evan immediately caught on to all the signs of my annoyance. He also wanted to stay on my good side, so he coughed loudly to break up the tension.

"Well, we'll let you go. Just think about it."

I didn't want to consider this. I hadn't received my big break yet. I doubt being second fiddle to a Hollywood actor would help my cause. Josh probably didn't even know who I was.

Evan leaned in to whisper in my ear. "Think about it, okay?"

"Alright," I sighed.

Josh waved. "Nice to meet you, Gabrielle. Hope to see you soon."

I released a superficial smile and turned to leave. My duffle bag hit my side slowly as I trudged down the steps. The conversation made me think.

_I know what I want. No, really. I know what I want._

I needed to be more than being in the background. But maybe with enough incentive, I would take on this project. As long as it didn't ruin my chances for this big tour I was practicing for.

What I didn't know...was how _he_ was going to change my life.


	2. Chapter Two

New York City was treating me well. Right before Christmas, found an apartment to live in for the next six months. Even though my contract would prompt me to take airplanes and buses every other month.  I didn’t mind. I never liked staying in one spot.

It’s not even my hometown. I grew up in Rehoboth Beach. It was cute, but I had to leave as soon as I could. I hated it there. It’s a tourist town; not a place to flourish and build a successful performing career. Unless my plans included selling popcorn on the boardwalk or sitting at a pizza joint off of Route 1.

As soon as I graduated from high school, I took my savings, two bags full of clothes, and moved on.

For the past four years, I’ve been booking gigs for music videos, perfoming at concerts, and a few commercials that required some dance background.  I enjoyed being constantly on the go and doing my own thing. I wanted to be noticed.

Dominic, my younger brother by 18 months, traveled with me whenever he could. I'd bribed him with gifts and other things to get him here in New York with me. I worked extremely hard to find a place for us to live. I wouldn't let him live anywhere.

We’re very close. I hired him to be my assistant or “babysitter”. He always knows where I need to be, what jobs I need to take, and what calls to make. He keeps track of me because from past experience, I can get out of hand.  Nicky - the name I call him - is the only constant in my life.

As I was walking out of the dance studio, I received a text from him.

_I bet you're tired. Let's have a drink._

I rolled my eyes at the thought of dealing with his crazy buddies. I rattled off a response.

_No thanks. How about we stay at home?_

I made it around the block, when a returning buzz reminded me of Nicky’s incoming message.

_My friends will be there and I want to hang out, so unless you want to sulk at home, come with._

_Fine_ , I answered.

There was no reason for me to not socialize. I could get my next big break.

 

* * *

 

This club, or whatever Nicky called it, was very interesting. Low lights. A disco ball. Lots of people our age, dancing and drinking. The music was very crappy.  But the drinks were at a great price. Can’t have everything.

Nicky and I sat at the bar, waiting for his friends. The demographics fascinated me. So-called hipsters. Some were dressed to the nine's. There were some attractive guys around. I think everyone had a girlfriend or someone with them. As I people-watched, I saw this one guy. White t-shirt, dark baseball cap. Some type of hoodie or fabric slung over his shoulder. Moving around with the music. Another life of the party-type. Then he turned around.

You have got to be kidding me.  

"Oh no," I groaned.

Nicky leaned over quickly, ready to protect me. "What is it?"

I used my hand to shield my eyes, and lowered my voice. "That's the boy Evan wants me to work with. I don't like him."

"What? You just met him."

"He's going to outshine me. I just know it. He's an actor. I want to be the lead, not him," I sulked.

Nicky chuckled. "Well, keep your head down. Pull out your phone or talk to other people so he won't bother you. My friends are here. See you in a bit."

There I was alone. Knocking down my drink. Mentally seeing myself on stage with my favorite singers and pop stars. Being their main squeeze. My goal was to be someone's go-to, number one stage companion. His or her muse…

I thought I heard a comment nearby, but maybe it was my imagination. It sounded like him.

"Hey there," he whispered in my ear.

I jumped at his touch, receiving a nasal attack of cologne from his neck and clothes. How I didn’t realize that he got this close to me, I’ll never know.

"May I help you?"

"Yeah," he chuckled, amused by my harsh inquiry. "I want to get to know you." His eyes were bright with desire; I was about to shut that down.

"But what if I don’t want you to?"

His lips formed the shape of a small “O”, an automatic reaction to my dig.

"Hard to catch, yeah?"

I felt my eyebrow rise.

"I suppose."  

Not here for his foolishness, I turned away and sipped on my vodka. He nudged the side of my arm with his elbow. His hazel eyes glowed as he continued to butter me up.

"I know who you are. I think you are talented and very beautiful.”

"Mm-hmm…"

Something was off in my mind.

The way he looked at me as he drank whatever alcohol he ordered. How he didn’t back down when I blatantly shrugged him off countless times. He appeared to be extremely confident.

He wanted something, but I wasn’t about to give into his silly game.

Or was I?

* * *

 

My head felt so fucking heavy when I opened my eyes.

Where am I?

Wait.

I'm in a bed. That's not my own.

I sensed someone nearby, so I slowly turned my body over, to hopefully disregard any assumptions.

Wait.

It's him. Shit.

"Hey, beautiful."

His face was getting closer to mine and then put his lips on my cheek.

"What the hell?" I muttered, while wiggling in the sheets. Did we hook up? I definitely had to leave.

He touched my wrist. "Wait, don't go. We had such a great time last night."

"I was drunk."

"Me too. Let me get you some breakfast," he replied, reaching over to the hotel phone. His lower back and behind were exposed from his side of the sheets slipping off. Ugggh, that ass felt so good holding to... Shit. Now I'm starting to remember last night.

"I should go."

"Wait, Gabrielle."

I couldn't look at him. The way he said my name, had a beautiful ring in my ears. But that was the last thing I wanted to fantasize over right now.

"Josh..."

"I don't think I've heard you say my name. Ever." His hazel eyes were friendly and a crooked smile appeared. I didn’t want to hear him getting all sappy. That is not what I want.

"Why are you doing this?"

"I told you. I want to get to know you."

“What did we do last night? I can’t believe this.”

A light chuckle escaped from his mouth. “Oh, c’mon. I wouldn’t kick you out. That’s not my character. Let me take care of you. Please?”

I let him have his way and stayed for breakfast. I quietly worked on my pancakes, while he chomped on a massive omelet. Why not indulge for one day? I didn't want friendly banter, but I enjoyed his touch.

When he finally left for the shower, I fumbled to get my phone and plan my escape. I won't see him if I leave tonight. What he won't know, won't hurt him. He doesn't even have my number so how would he find me?

"Nicky."

"Yeah, sis?"

"Hurry up and get me."

"You didn't seem that way when you bitched out at me when I tried to detach you from that Hutcherson fellow. Y'all were sucking face like none other."

I couldn't stand it when my brother would sass me. Even though he was always right, always looking out for me. I wasn't on the phone for a guilt trip and a "told-you-so" lecture.

"Dominic. C'mon," I whispered. "I can't stay here with him."

"Why not?"

"Are you serious? I can't be bogged down by a quick emotional attachment, or a...," I stammered, searching for the right word. "A r-r-relationship."

Nicky taunted melodically. "You said a bad word...ha ha ha ha."

"Fuck you. You know what, if you're going to be this way, I'll do it myself."

"I'll be there in 20."

"Meet me at the coffee shop."

I texted Nicky the address of the place and shucked on my dress. Yeah, I was taking the walk of shame, but I could care less.

Scribbling a note on the bed, I sent him my best regards and made a beeline for the door.

I scurried down the stairs, out the door, and hailed a cab. All in three minutes.

Smoothing down my hair, re-applying some mascara, then gargling mouthwash, I made myself presentable. I felt like Holly Golightly when she changed on the way to the airport.

I saw Nicky standing in front of the coffee shop. I handed the drive a wad of cash. "Please keep the change."

Nicky had that familiar look of judgment when I approached him.

"Seriously, sister?"

I pursed my lips. Adjusted my large sunglasses, I let it be known I was not the one.

"Do. Not."

We found a table after ordering our drinks. Nicky preferred a dark roast with cream; my go-to was a personalized latte with just right the amount of chocolate. It became a game when we would give each other's orders. The owner knew me well so we got our coffee for free. It was nice to go places where people knew who you are, and get the benefits.

"Did you enjoy yourself," Nicky inquired, blowing off steam from his cup.

"I don't want to talk about it."

I fiddled with my sunglasses. I didn't know what to think. Only met this boy yesterday. He pretty much wooed me at the bar, gave me amazing sex, and made sure I slept well and ate. And I ran off. Of all the people to hook up with...it's the guy I loathed the moment I saw him. Besides, Nicky and the constituents on this neighborhood café would appreciate not hearing my galavanting ways.

"What's going on next week?"

Nicky sighed, catching my drift. He pulled out his iPad and gave an itinerary for Monday's rehearsal. All before we were rudely interrupted.

"Gabrielle Marchand?"

"Yes," I replied, not wanting to make eye contact. Everyone knew who I was...no need to talk to the "littles." Plus, I was in last night's outfit. Already embarrassing.

"You left this."

My smirk dropped as I realized who it was and what he brought. My phone.

"Oh. What an idiot I am."

He nodded and moved awfully close to my ear. Too damn close.

"I took the liberty to save my number in your contacts and yours' is in mine. Payback. For ditching me."

I started to suck my teeth. Nicky shook his head in amusement, then extended his hand. I shot him a dirty look, but to no avail.

"Nicky."

"Josh."

"Sorry for ogling, but Hutcherson, right?"

Josh smiled at the recognition. "That's me. Nice to meet you, Nicky."

"How did you know where I was?" I tried to figure out this detective. Then it hit me.

"You son of a biscuit-eating bulldog. You read my texts?"

Josh gave off a snarky look. "Yeah, but I also called Nicky to make sure it was your phone."

My eyes squinted in rage at my brother. He playfully shrugged his shoulders. Very amused by this major fail. "What was I suppose to do? Let you not have your phone? I thought it was you calling me!"

"May I join you?"

Nicky and I responded at the same.

"Yes!"

"Absolutely not."

We frowned at each other, quickly communicated with our wiggling eyebrows.

"Come sit, buddy."

I need to revise my getaway plans and create a password for this thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. I hope you like it. Definitely a different vibe from LIBTYP.
> 
> My tumblr has the story as well: lovesbiggerthanpride.  
> xo


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song inspiration: "No Angel" - Beyoncé

“Did you decide?"

“I guess.”

“I knew you would!”

Another day at the dance studio, trying to get my life in order. After the cell-phone/morning after ordeal, I was very hesitant to accept any social invitations. I had a job to do: Kick ass at rehearsals and auditions and make it big in this industry.

Evan found out (probably through Nicky) that I was in the upstairs studio, and he surrounded me with rapid questions about the music video. I hadn’t made a firm decision about anything. Several days had passed since I was asked on-the-spot.

As soon as I saw him bolt through the doors, I knew he wanted to know. When he heard my answer, Evan extended his arm and waited for me to slap him five. I released a half-ass "Woohoo" in return.  Evan jabbed my shoulder, laughing at my dull response.

“C'mon, it will be great. Everyone was counting on you to be in this video. Its’ stock will rise tremendously.”

My eyebrows furrowed at the thought of the bullshit Evan was spewing out of his mouth.

“Oh, seriously? The music video will be popular because of an unknown dancer and not because of him,” I smugly inquired as I dropped my bag on the ground.

Evan talked a big game, and as much as I wanted to feed into the hype, and revel in the potential of me becoming a star, I had to consider all of my options. Notice if I’m being told lies in order to feel better and jump in head first, and then get screwed over. Either financially or physically. That’s already happened and I was not going to let that happen again.

I lifted my foot off the ground, pushing the ball down so I could feel my tendons stretching. I waited for his answer.

"Gabrielle, don't do that. I thought of you first. I could care less if Josh was involved. This is your chance to make it huge. It would be in your best interest to take this opportunity. Who knows where this will take you. Justin. Gaga. Hell, the possibilities are endless! Think of it as Josh supporting your campaign."

Inwardly, I wanted to throw so many profanities at Evan and call him a phony. I knew better than to receive this crap. But, some press is better than no press. It was my desire to be seen by anyone who could help my further my career.

"Have you seen Josh since I introduced you two?"

My stomach flipped. I had a few seconds to decide whether to lie or not.

“Once. Nicky and I went to get coffee and he just showed up out of nowhere, and had the audacity to sit with us.”

Evan chuckled while shaking his head. “Really? Josh told me a different story...but whatever.”

My eyes widened with fear. He would snitch on me. I couldn't be surprised by anything that man does anymore. If he even mentioned anything that sounded like the truth, I’d drop everything.

"Don't worry. Nothing crazy. I'll leave you be. I need you to get excited," Evan shouted, walking backwards, pointing at me and gesturing with his hands. I waved him off.

When the door slammed, I returned to the task at hand. I chasséd over to the stereo and plugged my ipod in. I had searched for an appropriate song to use for this audition I had in the afternoon. After setting it up, I slipped off my sweats, revealing a cut-up t-shirt, blue leotard, and black dance shorts. I needed to embrace this exclusive time to myself.

The floor was cold to the touch. It didn’t matter to me because I loved moving barefoot. I was trained in ballet, but focused more in jazz and contemporary. I craved the passion in a choreographed piece. Contractions and extensions. Curving my body backwards to show off a shape. Articulating my feet. Pouring whatever emotion I was experiencing into something I could create.   

After a deep plié, I launched myself into a weighted firebird jump. As I arched back, my right leg sharply swung behind me. I landed, only to rebound into a lunge and inside double pirouette. Several combinations later, the music succinctly ended when I slid my leg in and brought my foot into a bevel. Creating a solid pose to finish my dance.

When my breath slowed down, my ears perked to the sound of hands clapping.

“You are such a beautiful dancer.”

I nearly gasped and whipped my body around. Josh was leaning against the wall, presumedly waiting for me to stop so he could officially barge into my world. His eyes shone with some time of enthusiasm and I didn't know whether to blush, scream, or ignore his intense stare.

“What are you doing here? I didn't hear the door," I asked, exhaling heavily.

Josh replied as he respectfully advanced to the center of the room. “Evan told me to come to meet him. I got here a few minutes early. Sorry for startling you.”

I wiped my forehead with a towel. “It’s alright. I don't know why I bother to think I can ever be alone when I dance.”

A minute of silence elapsed with me trying very hard not to hiss at him or plan some type of abrupt exit.

“So," Josh started, "How long have you been dancing?”

“How long have you been nosy,” I spat out.

Josh stuck his hands in his pockets. “Woo, sass! You got me there. Sorry for prying into your life, Gabrielle.”

I didn't know what to say. He probably meant no harm in asking. Still not completely sure why he was here.

Shrugging my shoulders and waving off his apology, I relented. “Sorry. Since I was 3. So…nineteen years.”

"That's amazing." Josh's reply surprised me more. That same enthusiasm I heard from Friday when we first met. I couldn't tell if he meant it or not. I dropped the towel into my bag and nodded to quicken our conversation.

"Yeah. Long time."

"Teach me a step or two," he asked, attempting to make puppy-eyes. Sounded like a way to please and say anything that would get him on someone's good side. In this case, my side.

"Are you actually dancing in the video?"

"I think so at some point."

I stared at him incredulously. His body shape, a little on the broader side, didn't broadcast "nimble mover" to me. Maybe a casual athlete with a history of some agility. Was I really about to waste my time with this actor who was hired for mass appeal and consumption?

Josh began to step-touch, moving his hips in an erratic way. "I have rhythm, you know."

I wasn't ready for this lame attempt at flirting or whatever this was. Everything he said made no sense and I didn't care for it. He was in my territory now.

After seeing my lips curl in annoyance, Josh chuckled, "You're not impressed. I'll prove you wrong, Miss Marchand."

"Okay," I replied with no enthusiasm.

I didn't want to play head games any longer, so I mentally checked out to sharpen a leg extension; one that I needed to perfect for my show.  

"Whoa, that was high!"

I smirked; I'm glad he thought my less-than-stellar kick was praiseworthy. I continued to practice, starting with a small dégagé, and lifting higher into to a ponché.

Looking over my shoulder, I witnessed Josh blowing out a harsh breath and then crazily fling his leg in a weird fashion. Almost like a karate chop, not a graceful grand battement.

"What the hell," I exclaimed, half-amused, half-horrified.

"Gotta get to your level." He winked before running to the barre.

I couldn't let him act a fool in my sanctuary. Not on my watch.

"Josh, come here. Stand next to me."  

When he returned to me, I placed my hands on my hips and looked him right in the eye.

"What do you want to learn?"

"How to dance with you."

I slightly frowned. It was an odd request. I was the last person he wanted as a dance partner.

“Why? I'm not easy to work with. You'd get tired of me so fast.”

Lifting his shoulders slightly and grinning, Josh answered. “Because I want to. I think I can manage. And no, I won't.”

Not knowing what to do with this admission, I racked my brain for something to do. I couldn’t disappoint him, right?

"Grab my waist."

"Huh?"

"Grab my waist," I repeated. I never had an issue with being touched by strangers in the name of Dance. "Just put your hands here."

Josh gingerly placed his hands around me. A bolt of nervous energy caught me off guard. It immediately reminded me of him caressing me in bed...

"Relax," I instructed. Not only to Josh, but relaying the information to myself.

Josh cleared his throat. "Okay..."

"I'm going to plié and you will need to plié with me.”

The silence prompted an explanation. I had to remember - he wouldn't have known any of these phrases. I had to go slow and not condemn him.

"Bend your knees."

"Oh yeah," Josh muttered, along with "plié, plié".

Josh was trying. I liked that.  

“Then,” I continued. “You’re going to lift me, push me up so your arms are wrapped around my legs, and turn at the same time. I’ll use my weight to keep steady. I wouldn’t let you get hurt.”

This lift was a basic partner move, something that anyone who was stronger than I was could accomplish. Josh had a great upper body and strong legs. It would be fine to hold me up. I was only 130 pounds, and it appeared that I was maybe four inches shorter than him.  

“Okay, are you ready?”

My eyes were set on the mirror while I watched Josh nervously nod his head like a Bobblehead.

“I’ll count to three, we’ll do this."

Feeling Josh's fingers back on my sides, I began to count.

"One...Two...Three!"

Josh grunted as he lifted me off the ground. A quick shift of weight brought me higher, as his arms surrounded my thighs.

“Turn slowly, if you like,” I instructed. I kept an eye on the mirror as we rotated. Josh was obviously scared to drop me or whatever; I could feel it. But I pulled myself up and let him take control.

“Alright.”

After ten seconds, we came to a stop. Josh cautiously let me slide down. I smiled when I turned to face him.

"Wow."

"Yeah. Want to try it again?"

Josh's cheeks rose as he smiled. "Yes, please!"

We added a small combination before the lift, and repeated two more times. I curled myself in his embrace. The sensation felt better and better. Instructing him, and seeing him take correction extremely well. We were getting more comfortable with each other and that was amazing.

His hand caressed the small of my back for support. I leaned back into a layout, as he lunged along with me. Our faces had become dangerously close. I could smell the cinnamon mint he probably was chomping on before he walked in.

“Look at you," I purred. "You're becoming a pro." My eyelids lowered as I began to watch his every facial expression. I had to admit, there was a sexiness about him that I found appealing. Whenever he licked his lips, in concentration or maybe lust, that made me weak in the knees. Somehow he broke through my tough demeanor, and allow me to relax around him.

Josh hummed before replying, "I told you I'd prove it to you." Before I could find a smart-ass comeback, Josh snuck in a kiss that was absolutely delectable. I let out a heavy sigh and snaked my fingers through his silky dark hair.

Without hesitation, I opened my mouth slightly and reached for his tongue. Josh didn't draw back either; he grabbed the side of my hip and brought me closer, letting my center graze against his gradually growing member.

"Hey guys...Whoa!"

My jaw dropped at the sound of Evan's voice. I immediately detached myself out of Josh’s arms, almost falling down.

“Hey, Evan.”

In his excitement, Evan raised his eyebrow at me. I watched his eyes survey my swollen lips and Josh's hands, casually covering the front of his pants. I groaned because I'm making it hard for myself...again.

"What's up?"

Evan cleared his throat and started: “I’m so glad both of you are here. They contracted the choreographer, so tomorrow morning at 11?"

"For what," Josh asked. I rolled my eyes at his naïveté. Can't he be sexy and not ask such random questions?

"Rehearsal."

"Ok, sounds great," Josh replied. He shifted his eyes to figure out what my reaction would be. I had distracted myself by drawing small rond de jambes with my big toe on the floor.

"Mmhmm. Great."

Josh must have observed my transition back to "difficult".

"Evan, Gabrielle was showing me a few moves that we might be able to use in the video."

Evan leaned forward, almost bursting into laughter. "I bet she was."

"Seriously? Fuck you." I retorted, lifting my arms in annoyance.

"Not my fault I walked in on a private lesson."

I had enough of Evan's blatant teasing. He knew I couldn't resist good looking men. This was typical of me to play extremely hard-to-catch to everyone, but then become putty in someone's hands.

"Keep that going, dude. You'll soon need to find a new dancer," I sassed, retrieving my clothes.

"Gabs, stop it."

I wasn't playing. If he couldn't respect me and mock me in front of others, I wasn't going to stay.

"I need to get to an audition downtown so if you need me, call Nicky. I'll see you all later."

Josh frowned and I didn't understand why.

"May I join you," he interjected.

"What? Why? Auditions are closed."  I rattled all the reasons why a stranger couldn't tag along. Especially him. Distractions were not welcomed. Josh Hutcherson was a huge distraction. Mentally, emotionally, and physically. Our fourth encounter and I let him see past this diva façade. This front had to stick and I was failing.

"It would be fun, Gabrielle. Let him go with you. Then he can see how serious you are about your craft," Evan added.

Evan must've found pleasure in my torture.

"Fine."

 


	4. Chapter Four

Auditions should never be taken lightly, unless you wanted to waste your time. You gave your soul into a showing. Every second mattered; one slip-up could decide your fate.

I competed all throughout my school years. My dance studio was one of the only groups in our area who made an effort to attend competitions and conventions at least four times a year. Every other weekend, I'd be found on a bus or minivan, traveling to a given venue. We'd go wherever we were invited, or accepted through applications. That meant shitty community events, holiday performances. You named it, I was there. Tacky neon-colored costumes and all. 

Solo dances and routines were a rite of passage. If you were dedicated enough, you'd get a piece. Then work your ass every day after school. Weekends. Whenever. I made myself ready. If my parents couldn’t drive me, I’d walk or take the bus. The same counted for the auditions and shows I performed in. 

I became calloused to the rejection and back-ended compliments, then remained unphased when I was praised. Dancing became my air, my passion. Nothing else mattered. I went all out to audition and secure performance opportunities. Some gigs broke my heart; others were just a chance to be seen and remembered for the next time.

The hustle of the streets surrounded me as Josh and I walked five blocks to my audition. He offered to carry my rather-cumbersome bag, but I declined repeatedly.

"Gabrielle, c'mon. Let me. You need to save your energy."

I frowned. "I got this, alright?”

"Alright," he sharply stated. I think he got offended; Josh's body tensed as we walked along. His lips were pressed together, with heavy footsteps. I waited a minute to respond. I touched his shoulder, as a peace offering.

"Hey, I'm sorry. I'm used to do everything myself. I get very hesitant to receive help. But I'm trying to work on that. Please forgive me."

Josh’s eyebrows rose, then he smirked. “Of course, Gabrielle. I couldn’t hold anything against you.”

A giggle escaped from my mouth. Wait, what in the hell was I doing? Was I softening up for this guy? Good Lord.

We had to stop at a light, waiting for the crosswalk to change.

"Are you free Saturday night?"

My guard went up again so I immediately spat out, "I have a two-night concert revue I'm performing in this weekend."

"That's...great," Josh said.

That conversation toured sour. Oops.

Josh changed topics quickly. "I know you perform here. What are your plans for the future?”

As soon the crosswalk light turned, I told him. "Trying to book a national tour at some point. I’ve been booked in various places, but I would like to be the road for a consistent length of time."

Josh nodded in amusement. "Wow. I just wanted to know if you were free. I take it you like moving around."

I attempted not to facepalm myself before answering again. "Yup. Never good to stay in one spot all the time. You get complacent. You of all people should know that. Always room to improve and grow."

“Right,” Josh quietly added. His eyes shifted to the pavement before saying, "I would love to see you perform."

My hands gripped my bag so tightly, I knew they'd become numb.

"Why?"

"Like I told you before," Josh sweetly replied, "I think you're beautiful, fascinating, and very talented. I wouldn't mind seeing you in action.”

I tried to hide the blush my cheeks were showing by looking down myself. "I-I suppose."

Thankfully before anything escalated, we arrived at the building. I looked at the sheet Dominic handed to me early in the morning. 2nd floor, room 10.

“Are you nervous?”

“Yeah,” I replied, glancing at Josh. “I want to book this. No. I need to get this."

Two flights of stairs later, we arrived at the door. It was an entryway that lead to another door. The hallway was full of people, waiting and ready to audition. I quickly surveyed the area: Twenty girls. Taller. Shorter. Bigger breasts. Slimmer thighs. Fuller hips. Straight hair. Very short hair. Lighter eyes. Darker complexion. Just from appearances, this competition pool was stiff. The staff could pick anyone. I could be right for them in one regard, then get counted out in every other aspect.

“Name?”

"What? Excuse me?"

Josh stepped in front of me. "Hi, her name is Gabrielle Marchand and she is here to audition.”

I was equally dumbfounded and grateful Josh vouched for me while I was off sizing myself up to everyone.

The man behind the makeshift desk, around our age, scribbled a number of the form, and handed me a paper with the number “19”.

“Fill this out, put the number on. Be ready in ten minutes.”

“Thank you,” I promptly answered. I found an empty spot down the hall, and Josh followed me. Leaning against the wall, I used my planner as a guide to mark down my accomplishments, my resumé, and any conflicts I would have in the next six months.

“This looks intense,” Josh marveled. For a moment, I glanced at others. Some had their legs in a 180 stretches against the wall. Some were marking their choreography with huge headphones on. One girl, who looked to be about 18 years old, shaking like a leaf. I remembered when I was that girl. Those days are long gone.

“Yeah, we don’t play.”

I decided to block everyone else out while completing my form. Whenever I stepped into an audition space, I would always assume that I was being watched. Anyone could be a rep for the company, so I had to present myself properly.

Josh startled me by trying to whisper in my ear. The sensation of his breath had me go into “attack mode”.

“What the fuck? Stop.”

Josh tried to calm me down by rubbing my arm. "Shhh, I didn’t meant for you to freak out. Just wanted to tell you I know you can do it.”

“Oh.” Again, I was so paranoid about today, everything was magnified.

The last question on the form woke me up:

Are you available to travel non-stop for the next six months?

I pondered about this; I only lived on the East coast. Everything I told Josh was accurate. This transition would be crucial for me, and my dream. What I told Josh was accurate. But at the same time, this transition could would make or break me.

"I'm so ready for this."

The sentence caught me off-guard, and make me freeze. A modelesque-looking girl, with golden skin and light green eyes was in front of us. She was discussing with a few other dancers. She appeared to be extremely confident in what she was doing.

"I heard they're only taking 10 girls."

Only ten? I came here to win, not get cut in the first round.

I tried to swallow the hard lump in my throat quietly. There was a chance I could be the odd one out. I trained so hard for this moment, and now to think I could be defeated? I would never be able to forgive myself for failing.

Josh’s voice broke me out of my thoughts.

"Hey, break a leg."

He gave the typical phrase of performing encouragement, and topped that by leaning forward to kiss me on the cheek. Although it looked tacky to display such affection in front of these girls, I appreciated the gesture. His soft lips on my face did calm me down.

"Thank you."

To my surprise, my eyelashes fluttered when I made eye contact with Josh. He smiled and brushed his thumb against the cheek he kissed. It was as if he knew everything would be okay. This was scaring me on so many different levels.

I snapped out of my lovey-dovey daze when I heard a faint snicker. Three other dancers were warming up and staring at me. One was pointing, mouthing a phrase to another. By the faces they were making, I knew the conversation was snarky or downright rude.

“I have to go and get ready,” I said, erratically pinning the number on my dance shorts. In no time, I was standing, with my bag by my side, ready to leave. The pressure was getting to me.

Josh’s smile faded at the rush of my goodbye. “Oh, okay…”

"You don’t have to wait for me,” I interrupted. “I don’t know when I’ll be done.”

I walked away, knowing I probably hurt his feelings. Again. I couldn’t handle this right now. As I passed my completed form to the man, I heard a voice resonate down the hall.

"I’ll be right here when you finish!"

I didn’t look back to respond as I scurried into the room. There was no room to be viewed as someone who couldn’t take this opportunity seriously because of a “relationship”.

The room was gorgeous and large, with endless room to move around.

“Hi. Gabrielle, right?”

I responded curtly without looking, “Yeah.”

“Was that your boyfriend?"

I rolled my eyes, before making a physical connection. The person’s tone was out of control.  “9” was plastered on her chest. Her eyes sparkled with intrigue. With blonde hair pulled back, in a sports bra and shorts, I knew this girl was nothing but trouble. She probably knew who Josh was, and wanted a juicy bit of gossip.

Already pissed off by this short round of questions, I answered with gritted teeth. “Nope. Just a friend."

The girl chuckled before crossing her arms. "Didn’t seem like it.”

“Listen," I snarled. I made a choice to lean in so she could hear the last words I spoke to her ever.

"I don’t even know who you are, so stop talking to me and fall back.”

The blonde huffed. “Okay, you sure are defensive for being just friends. Fuck you too.”

"Attention, ladies! We will begin, please form a line, in numerical order."

I shifted off to my place; found out I was in a group with four other ladies: Alondra, Quinn, Tai, and Heather. They seemed to be fine performers. Quinn was quite chatty, so I barely said anything to her.

We sat in a group, and watched individual auditions. Some were completely pointless. I decided to stay on Karma's good side and not judge too harshly. I mainly focused on dancers who I could work well with.

"Number 19, we are ready for you."

I moved to the front of the room, and handed the assistant my cd. Nicky was able to edit the music and make the right cuts. Anything too long or too short would have me running out the door.

As I found my spot in the center of the floor, I quickly gestured to begin. Everything became a blur.

I moved like clockwork. Extending my arms and legs when needed. Making contact with each judge and person at the table. Pirouetting like crazy. Ninety seconds later, I halted with a strong pose - foot crossed over the other, right arm crossed over my chest. The round of applause brought me back to life.

"Thank you, Gabrielle."

I was able to inwardly sigh, content with what I performed to the panel during my solo. I felt good about my piece.

One more round of freestyle movement.  I gave all I had. There was no room for error and anything less than perfection was a disappointment in my mind.  I was with my group, and we worked it out for 64 counts.

"Thank you, ladies," the choreographer, Alyssa, commented. "We will be in touch!"

I clapped in appreciation. The other girls smiled and chatted with each other. I wasn't here to make friends. At all.

I opened the door that led out to the hallway. No sign of Josh. I did tell him to scram, but I actually was disappointed not to see his face, waiting for me.

 _So much for moral support_ , I thought.  

I couldn’t believe I was somewhat crushed. But then again, I shouldn’t have been surprised. No one else close to me, other than Nicky, would ever come with me to auditions.

"How was it?"

My ears perked when I heard his voice. Without sounding too ecstatic, I replied, "Fine. I felt very good about it."  

Josh's hazel eyes danced as he responded. "Awesome! I knew you could do it."

I shrugged my shoulders. "Yeah. Thanks. I'm just glad it's done."

"I bet." Josh grinned as he watched me pack.

“Thanks,” I faintly smiled. “You know, I appreciate you coming with me. That means a lot.”

“No problem.”

We quietly left, making very light conversation. As we entered the outside world, Josh stopped me.

“Hey, let’s get a celebratory drink or some food. My treat."

The wheels in my head started turning again. I didn’t want him to get any ideas. Just because he accompanied me, doesn’t mean anything.

"I don't know..." I knew my face was showing off discomfort. Now my body was starting to tense up.

"How about this," Josh started, taking my bag away from me, and onto his shoulder. "Let's just chill at my place. I don't live too far from here. Would you like to relax for a bit before you head out?"

I looked him dead-on. There was no malice in his voice, or expression.  It would have been really bad if I rejected him again for the tenth time today.

"You did appear to be my good luck charm," I hinted. "Okay. Sure."

Josh winked at me and extended his hand...for me to hold.  I chose to accept, and instead of grasping palms, our fingers locked.

It made me smile.

No wonder why so many people like him. He’s a great persuader…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it was long, but I hope you enjoyed the chapter. xo


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music Inspiration - "Heart Out" - The 1975

_It's just you and I tonight_

_Why don't you figure my heart out?_

_\- The 1975_

 

"What would you like, Gabrielle?"

"Water."

Josh's eyebrows rose in disbelief after hearing my short response. I knew he wasn't expecting my choice after arriving at our destination. "Really? I have beer, wine, bacon, ice cream. Whatever you want."

My nostrils flared as I repeated myself.

"Water, please."

“Okay....”

I observed the living room while Josh disappeared, still baffled by this decision. Very simple, but that was a given since he was only supposed to be in New York for a month.

Josh handed me the glass before plopping down on the couch next to me. “So….are you ready for tomorrow’s first rehearsal? The reason why we know each other?”

It hit me. I completely forgot about the project. We have to start working together. My focus had been on the audition.  “Yeah, sure. To be honest, I wasn’t even thinking about it.”

Josh smirked, “I get it. Your audition was way more important than this.”

“It was,” I replied.

"What is it like? Incorporating dancing into a video? How can people make everything look camera-ready? They look so intense," Josh asked.

The interrogation was throwing me off. I still didn’t understand why he needed to ask so many questions.

"I don't know!"

I cleared my throat abruptly, then took a sip of my bland drink. I shook my head because I knew my tone was out of line. "Sorry. Too many questions at once.”

“I’m sorry,” Josh said, briefly looking down. “I didn’t mean to bombard you. I’m just excited about this. Doing this video with you.”

Even in this abbreviated span of knowing him, Josh always wanted to say something to make me smile. My track record of holding grudges was falling by the wayside.

“I just do what they tell me. Repeat when I'm supposed to, and that's it. I don't think about the overall stuff. Just the dance."

Josh showed off his gorgeous smile before a taking a sip of his own water. "True. I'm so intrigued by the production side. I probably will get into that in a few years."

“That’s cool,” I nodded. “You’re a well-rounded kind of guy. I like that.”

I decided to turn and face Josh; I tucked my right leg in. I studied his face. It reminded me of someone I could talk to without being judged.

"You want this gig, don't you?"

"Of course I do," I answered. "It would make very happy. I want to be happy doing what I love. Working hard for my accomplishments."

"What about your personal life? Family? A special someone? Do they make you happy?"

I took a moment, waiting for the right beat to explain. "Dominic is my family. I will do everything in my power to make him happy. When he's content, I'm content. And I don't know about men and relationships. I've gotten screwed more times than I should, so hopefully one day I'll find the right one."

Josh winked at me, "That is wonderful. I'm sure you will."

I nudged his knee with mine. "Thanks."

We grinned at each other, but I turned away because I knew I was blushing. I never knew conversation over two glasses of water could spark a connection. I was unsure of how I was feeling. Josh made me think about myself, but not in a self-centered fashion. This was a new experience for me.

When I looked back at him, my eyes zoned in on his lips. They weren't full like mine, but they had a shape that I loved. I wanted to pull back, but I couldn't. I felt Josh's hand caress my face; his thumb gently brushing my jaw.

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered, admiring my face. "I just want you to know that."

“Thank you.”

I didn't want to take any chances, so I leaned in to kiss him, which escalated quickly. Josh began to hum while passionately exploring my mouth. My hands crept to his shoulders, holding onto him. 

We almost stopped because I could tell I was soaking wet. All of the lust I was experiencing was going straight to my underwear. I couldn't control it and I knew Josh was going to react. My assumptions were correct because he grasped my waist and maneuvered me onto his lap.

My hands raked through his brown locks while we were playing a game of tongue hockey. His hair felt amazing against my fingertips. My sweatpants were not as stiff as I thought. I could feel him so well while I was roughly thrusting against his hips. It made me thrust more.

"Shit," I muttered.

"What," Josh breathed heavily. He was worked up as well, slowing down with this dry humping.

"You. We're not even doing anything and you...you're making me wet."

Josh gave me another crooked smile, before scooting from under me. I watched him as he stood. Tousled hair, swollen lips. Chest moving up and down. I realized his shirt was quite thin, because I could see everything underneath.

He lifted the shirt over his head, giving me a sobering view.  Literally. The only time I saw him shirtless was in a lush hotel suite I had no business being in.  Alcohol had covered my senses that night but now I was getting a second chance to witness this. Sharp lines of muscles and veins. Patches of hair covering his chest, then a trail of dark brown that started from under his navel to below the boundaries of his jeans.

"Gabrielle."

Josh's mouth looked tantalizing to me. I couldn't believe how good he sounded when he spoke. My name flowed from his lips like a praise chorus. I closed my eyes, wishing I could do away with this whole situation.

"Damn it."

He reached down to cup my face with his hand. His eyes, shifting back and forth, were trying to find an explanation.

"Hey. What's wrong?"

"I don't know if I can handle this right now," I sighed.

My weakness for intimacy and being catered to was overwhelming. I didn't want to use him as a physical fling and then publicly disregard him anymore. I was putting more pressure on myself to be a caricature of myself. Distant. Off-putting. One-track minded.

"You don't have to, if you don't want to. I won’t pressure you. We can take it slow."

My heart sank hearing those words. He was actually being considerate. Maybe he wasn't the type to hit it and quit it. All the others I was intimate with, were extremely selfish and only wanted me as a prize to brag about. I was selfish too.

"But I want to do this," I replied, with a small crack in my voice. Josh grinned. He nuzzled my neck, kissing me slowly. His gentle touch threw me for a loop. I immediately shot my hands down to his crotch, dismantling his belt, unraveling the button, and zipper.

The urges I had were overwhelming. My fingers made quick work of pulling down his jeans and boxer briefs. I let out a satisfied moan when everything was off of him. Josh had been blessed with beautiful anatomy. No one in their right mind could deny that.

"Hey....I'm naked. Why aren't you, lady?" Josh teased, reaching at the hem of my t-shirt. I laughed at his realization.

"Let's fix that."

I stripped down to my underwear. Josh’s eyes were wide and fixed on my figure. “May I?”

“You may.”

Giggles escaped from me as he delicately removed my final layer. A sensual kiss from Josh was all it took. As soon as his lips touched my back, I was a goner. I turned immediately to face him. I had to touch him, taste him, feel him.

“C’mere,” he gestured for me to join him on the couch. I sauntered to him, following his instruction to lie down. I breathed slowly as I watched him crouch down to my legs. His hands spreading my legs apart. I nearly had an orgasm from watching Josh slowly suck on his thick fingers, then reaching inside of me. Curling the tips to hit the most sensitive spots. 

I shouted, with a laugh. "Yes!"  My body writhed consistently at the contact of his mouth and my clit. Hearing his throaty groans and feeling his firm grip on my thigh made me so weak.

"Josh, I need you."

Before I knew it, Josh was hovering over me. Although he was intense, he looked at me with such compassion. I knew he had been with other girls, but he made me feel desirable. As if I was only made for him. I wanted to capture this moment forever. No one had ever treated me this well while fucking me. With my permission, he filled me up with his cock. It was incredible.

“Absolutely, baby.”

* * *

An hour later, I was still reminiscing of the connection we just made. I didn't bother to put my clothes back on. Our bodies were still warm and sweaty; I lost track of how much time we spent satisfying each other. Arms and legs intertwined, my face next to his, making the most of our downtime. Josh occasionally whispered a sweet nothing or talked about the next time he'd see me. 

“Would you like me to take you home?”

“No,” I said. “I'm alright. I've gotten back way later than this.”

Josh rubbed my shoulders, then kissed that spot right behind my ear. “Are you sure? I have no problem calling a cab for you.” His voice had become extremely husky and I couldn't resist that voice.

“Fine, if you insist,” I grinned.

I hesitantly rose from our cuddling and pulled my clothes from the floor. I made sure he was watching me. His hazel eyes sparkled.

"Gabrielle, thank you for tonight."

"Why," I asked. "I didn't do much."

Josh stood to embrace me again. "Because I got to know you. Just you and me. I wanted to see the real you and it's beautiful."

My brain almost went into overdrive. I was not ready to hear these words. Or see him in all his naked glory again so suddenly. 

"I don't even know what to say, Josh," I gently replied. "It's been a while since someone told me those things." I kissed him again, as a thank you, but I jumped when I heard a loud beep from the street. I frowned at Josh. I didn't want to leave but I knew I had to. 

“Well, that must mean I have to go.”

"I'll see you tomorrow," Josh said. Right after he spoke, he left a gorgeous kiss on my lips. His mouth felt so good against mine. I had to hold on as long as possible. This meant something to me but I didn't know what it was.

I could not believe I literally spent twelve hours straight with Josh.

* * *

I thought I could return to my place at 2am without question. But I was dead wrong. Dominic was sitting in his favorite chair, reading.

“Oh, hey. I didn't know you'd be awake.”

Dominic shot a skeptical glance at me. “I am. You seem upbeat. What’s up with you?”

“Nothing.” I cringed as I heard my voice rise a few octaves. I was awful at hiding information from my brother.

“I bet,” he replied. “With Josh? You have a little glow about you. I kinda like it."

I rolled my eyes, placed my keys on the wall fixture. “Yeah. I was. I was wrong about him.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah. He's not as bad as I thought.”

Dominic nodded. “Told ya. Well, once you jump off of your cloud, I need to tell you something.”

I walked over to my room, dropping off my dance bag. I changed into my pajamas but not before getting a whiff of my clothes. They smelled like him. I reminded myself not to wash the scent off. Unless I figured out what cologne or body spray he used.

When I returned, Dominic set his iPad down.

“The company called.”

My brother’s voice was firm and unusually somber. Now I was the one who was being skeptical.

“So soon?”

“Yeah.”

I waited for my brother to share. My hands started to twitch. I couldn't tell if it was excitement or not. “Go ahead, Nicky.”

“You didn't get it.”

“Get what?”

“The slot. You don’t get the tour gig.”

It took a few seconds to connect the dots. Once everything clicked, I glared at my brother.

“What the fuck do you mean, I didn't get the part?”

Dominic shook his head and sighed. "I'm sorry."

My hands curled into fists. The jovial mood I was in, crashed and burned within seconds.

“Gabrielle, don’t do this.”

“Shut up, Nicky. I worked my ass off for this audition and I don’t get it?  For months, I did everything to make sure I could be there and secure a slot. They just saw me this afternoon? How could they reject me so quickly? How are those girls better than me? I was the best! Do you hear me? I was the best.”

My stomach hurt as I finished talking. I needed an explanation.

“I know, sis. But not everyone is fair. You know they probably were finding a certain look.” Dominic was trying to appease me with diplomatic banter, but I was not having any of it.

“Just let me see the email.”

Dominic slowly gave me his iPad. He appeared to be frightened by my outburst. I read the email without speaking. My eyes rapidly scanned the four paragraphs. All I saw was the typical “Thank you, but at this time…” bullshit.

I handed the iPad back to him and covered my face. I couldn't cry. I had to be strong for Nicky. It wasn't his fault.

But this was my dream. How was I not considered?

I screamed and turned the coffee table in front of me over, letting magazines and a glass fell. Shards skipped around, barely missing our feet.

“Sis,” Nicky urgently stated. “You can’t do this. We can’t afford to get kicked out again.”

My eyes watered. I ran to my room, slamming the door. I found whatever I could get my hands on and throw it against the walls or my mattress. My pillow did not survive against my anger.

“No, no, no,” I yelled. “No!”

My head started to pound from the impromptu rage fest. This was not right.

I cursed the girls who auditioned with me; they were my competition. I cursed the staff who saw me perform today; they looked past my talent. I cursed Dominic for telling me; he could have lied to me. I cursed Josh for making me feel good about myself; I thought things were looking up.

I cursed myself for failing. It was me. I was not good enough. I didn't match up to the perfect idea of the dancer they wanted. It kept happening and I was devastated for allowing this to continue.


	6. Chapter Six

A series of knocks at the door forced me to open my eyes.

"Sis, it's 8:45. May I come in?"

I groaned while lifting my head, fumbling for my phone. Last night was truly fucked up.

Everything happened so fast. I experimented in the studio, walked to the audition, danced my heart out, and spent the evening with him. It just made sense that everything was going to end well.

That stage was calling for me.  I was supposed to be there. In fancy costumes, traveling across the country, possibly the world. Performing with high-profile singers. Being photographed often. Becoming a star myself. That's all I ever wanted.

But no. What remained was another broken dream and once again, starting from the bottom of this shitty world I call a career.

"Uggghhh..."

Nicky had entered, not paying any mind to the hot mess that was my room. Clothes, books, and down feathers were coating the floor. Everything was everywhere. Storm Gabrielle had touched down and gave no fucks.

"Evan texted me. You have about 90 minutes to get dressed. Our ride will be here soon. I'll make sure you have your breakfast sandwich and coffee by the time we leave."

My brother was acting very calm as he stepped over the mounds. Steadfast in his delivery of instructions, Nicky tapped on his iPad. I was expecting some type of snarky, passive aggressive comment, but it never came. We stared at each other for about ten seconds, before he gestured at me to get up.

I groaned some more, willing myself to face him and the day ahead. My eyes were puffy and my head throbbed from crying all night. If I wasn’t supposed to be anywhere, I’d stay right here in my cave.

"I'm sorry, Nicky," I apologized, gazing at my feet. "For letting my emotions get the best of me. Again."

Nicky sat down on my bed and pulled me into a bear hug. "Okay. That was last night. It's a new day. We have to work with what we have and---"

"Make it count," I finished. That was Dominic Jordan Marchand's favorite phrase, repeated whenever a situation was not favorable. We had the "go get ‘em" spirit since we were teenagers; it kept us going -- literally.

“I’m sorry too. For not being there for you when you needed me.”

Muttering under my breath, I added, "I'll get someone to clean this up."

"Or you can," Evan replied with major sass. I knew he was right. I had to take responsibility and clean my own mess. All of my messes.

I sighed as I began to unbraid my hair. Damage control can be such a bitch.  

“Did you tell Evan?”

Nicky shook his head with a tight grin. “No. Do you want me to?”

“Not really. I wish I could cancel.”

I got a hearty chuckle out of my brother. On his way out, I heard, "That won't be happening. Now GET READY!"

Routine took over as I prepared. This would not be easy.

The car ride was quiet, minus the long slurps I made from drinking my coffee. I knew I had to pull it together, put on a good show for everyone. My work outside of this project did not matter to them so I had to bring my A game.

It didn't take long for us to arrive at the warehouse in Brooklyn. The driver put the car in park, and walked around to open the door. Unless I was in a limo, no one had ever assisted me. This was very new, but I liked it a lot.

“Good morning!”

Hearing Evan’s booming voice from afar, I looked around for anyone who could tell me where I could drop off my things.

“Gabs, get over here! I need you to meet everyone.”

I took a breath before finding him and supposedly the other crew members. I was introduced to the assistant director, a few of the managers, and the choreographer, Morgan. Always the show pony for the strapping director. But that’s my fault for always being with him. The last four productions he directed, I was the lead dancer.

The group appeared to be very interested in me:

"So you're the beautiful dancer we've been hearing about."

“We’ve seen you in rehearsals. You’re amazing.”

“I want you for my next video.”

I “smized” the whole time - had to continue the diva character going.

Nicky and I left for a side room where I worked on solo choreography with Morgan. She was very kind and enthusiastic about her job. We were able to just knock the combinations out in twenty minutes. I appreciated Morgan's no-nonsense tactics; little chit-chat, more of 'okays' and 'you got that?' It certainly helped me get focused for the taping.

Several ball changes, grand jetés, and souténus later, a random assistant came.

“Miss Marchand, we have to get you ready for makeup and wardrobe. Please follow me.”

I thanked Morgan for a productive rehearsal. On my way to the makeshift dressing room, I heard my name being called, so I turned to find out the voice's owner.

There was Josh, Mr. Happy-Go-Lucky, nearly skipping towards me, eyes bursting with excitement. He waved, and I just lifted my hand to get it over with. Sometimes his chipper demeanor pissed me off.

“Hey, how are you?”

“Fine,” I stated with a blank expression.  "Yourself?"

Josh flashed a confident smile. "I'm great! Nothing like a first day, working on something new, being with good people."

I waited for this Pollyanna crap to end before dismissing him royally.

"Hmm, okay.”

Obviously I wasn’t fooling him because he asked again, in a more gentle tone.

"Are you sure you're okay? You don't seem like yourself."

"I'm fine, Josh. Just tired."

"Okay...." Josh titled his head, raising his eyebrow at me, very aware that something was off. "Is it about last night? I thought you had a good time."

I let out a sigh of exasperation before leaving him behind.

"We're fine, Josh. Let's just...get to work."

* * *

"Ok, Gabs, give me more."

Quickly I turned in a circle, swiveled my leg, and lifted it into a side grand battement. On relevé, no less. Apparently, my executions weren't  "fierce" enough. We had been working on the same damn scene for about 15 minutes;  shooting clips of me randomly moving around like a ballerina. It made no sense to me since I was in leggings and a flowy top. But of course, I had to go with it.

"Do it again."

I repeated the combination.

"Gabs, come on. We need to move forward."

"I'm doing my best, alright," I retorted.

Evan clenched the script he was holding very tightly and flung down on the ground. “What the fuck? You know what, cut! Take five, everyone."

My shoulders slumped; I was unsure of what was incorrect. Was I really out of it today? No one else was yelling at me. Evan stormed to where I was standing.

"What is your problem?"

I couldn't help but question him back.  "Nothing, what's yours?"

The bite in my response egged Evan on more. He moved in once more so that only I could listen to his harsh whisper.

"Look, Gabs, I don't know what the hell is going on but this needs to end. I am putting my ass on the line for you. No one knows you like I do, and your behavior is making me look like an idiot. They already think I'm playing favorites."

My face soured, hearing this bullshit. Like this video was my only avenue for success; I had other upcoming projects ahead. He was on a different planet if he was going to humiliate me. Especially in front of others. And Josh.

"Are you implying I'm dancing like crap right now," I accused.

Evan immediately crossed his arms in defense. "I'm not saying that. It's just not translating on camera. I need them to be happy."

I couldn't deal with his banter. "Fire me then. Find someone else,” I insisted, raising my voice. I stood on my tiptoes, wanting for Evan to come at me.

“Who else are you going to bring, huh? I'm having a bad day, so don't fuck with me."

Evan placed his hands on his hips and huffed, "Yeah, I can tell."

That smartass response deserved a slap in the face. I quietly snarled and was ready to attack, but Josh's figure appeared in my peripheral. He looked extremely worried, ready to intercede on my behalf. I couldn't afford any bad press.

I cleared my throat, finding all the serenity I could in my being.

"I didn't get the tour gig, alright? I'm still upset about it so just give me a break," I admitted through gritted teeth. Evan's scowl immediately dissipated.

"Gabs. Really? Why didn’t you tell me. That's awful."

I looked at the sky, avoiding eye contact. “It’s whatever now. Gotta find something else to do.”

Evan asked, “You wanna chill for a minute?” Before I could say no, he shouted to the crew, "Let's extend break. Gabs, you go over to makeup."

I was so embarrassed. They had to stall shooting for me. Because I was fucking up, and they took pity on me. This was just awful. I used my small frame to slither through the crowd and tried to dash, but was found by my “favorite” person.

“Hey, Gabrielle. I forgot to ask. Did you hear back about the audition?”

"Umm," I replied, searching for words. My chest began to swell; I wasn't ready for another blow.

"See, people can be so shallow," my hands flailing about, trying to make my excuses stand as valid reasons. “I don’t understand how decisions can be made so quickly, but ummm.”

Josh touched my chin and softly answered for me.

"You didn't get it."

I tried to confirm, but my bottom lip began to tremble before I fell apart in tears.

"Oh no," he sighed. "C'mere. Shh...Shh."

I allowed myself to be wrapped in his arms, where Josh rocked me back and forth, softly letting his forehead touch mine.

"I'm sorry this happened to you. Something better will come along, baby. I promise."

My sobs increased because I didn’t believe any of that. I tried to break free from his grasp, and glared at him. "Do you even know how it feels to be rejected? Because of how you look?"  

Josh dropped his jaw then pursed his lips. I must have hit a chord with him, because he responded very firmly. "Actually, Gabrielle, I do. It hurts like hell, and I know their eyes need to be checked. They missed out on a wonderful performer."

“I wanted this so badly,” I continued, pressing myself back into his embrace.

"When did you find out?"

"Nicky told me when I got home."

Josh massaged my back. Without a second thought, he kissed my forehead. "You could've called me. I would have come to you."

"What?” I was genuinely stunned. I lifted my head from the safe haven of Josh's chest and began  to argue, once again.  “It's not your job to do any of that. We’re not even d--"

“Hello?”

Evan’s assistant was waiting for us to be finished.  He had his hand was shielding his eyes.The sun was behind him. I had to work on these intimate moments. Always getting caught, just my luck.

"Miss Marchand, right this way."

"Hi, I'm Josh. Mind if I tag along?" My eyes followed him as he introduced himself. His upper lip curled every time he said his own name. Everything about him was so easy, so natural, so attractive.

Was I getting too attached?

The assistant nodded.

I quickly wiped my face as the guy led us to an outside trailer. I sat in silence as the makeup artist revamped my face. I was in a trance the whole ten minutes. Every moment of failure was revisited.

"Gabrielle."

My eyes met Josh's. Those hazel orbs were soft, full of understanding. I was not familiar with this kind of compassion. His hand was holding mine, rubbing my thumb.

"They want us on set. Are you ready?"

I tried to answer but my throat was tight. Instead, I quickly nodded as he helped me to stand next to him at the doorway. He smirked.

"You can do this."

When we returned, I was not needed on set because Josh was taping his section. All he had to do was turn random directions and walk from one side of the room to the other. As I sat next to Evan, in a new dress, I didn't realize he too had switched clothes.

Josh looked so different. He paced the floor with this “crazysexycool” smolder; his tone was _Hey, I’m here to fuck you now_. The guy in charge of wardrobe needed a raise; they put Josh in a dark red shirt, casually stretched at the collar, because it dipped down like a v-neck. His hair had been ruffled roughly.

It took everything within me to not hunt him down and take him away somewhere. Because everything about that look was dead sexy.

Our second scene was for movement, and Morgan prepped us for the partner work. It didn’t take long for us to figure out what to do, because of our impromptu session at my studio. I remained quiet, because I still wasn’t up to the challenge of being second fiddle to him.  

"Josh, get super close to her! You need to make her smile."

He nodded in agreement and went to work. We began to sway to some faraway track of the song. My breath hitched as his hands snaked around my waist, to the top of my hipbones.

"Hey."

The raspy whisper did not convince me to respond positively. We were acting. I knew he was only following Evan's instructions. I was still brooding about my recent failures and subsequent blow up at him.

"Do you remember last night? That was spectacular."

I shifted my hair to the side to receive a closer touch from him, giving the camera a more intimate shot. My hand brushed against his chest; trying to make it more believable.

"You know," he purred, with his lips painfully close to my earlobe. Feeling his breath took my breath away. "When we make love, I want to lose myself in you. I get so hard when you kiss me."

I flung my head back, exploding in laughter while holding onto Josh’s shoulders. It blew my mind that he would utter that phrase to me while we were in public.

Evan clapped, admiring the exciting footage. "Yes! Yes! That was amazing!”  The group surrounded us joined in applause.

"What did he say, Gabs?"

I mischievously shrugged, "Mmhmm."  The blush on my face nearly gave me away. Josh beamed with satisfaction.

The rest of the shoot flew by, and with no difficulties. Evan called it a wrap, even though I was needed for more taping in a few days. We made a nonverbal agreement to walk back to the trailers together.

"You look amazing on camera," Josh playfully nudged my shoulder.

My eyes lit up at his statement. "Oh, how do you know about this?"

“The camera eats you up!”  

I giggled for a moment, then stopped to glance at Josh. He was laughing as well. It was a nice, non-threatening exchange.

He licked those smooth lips before interjecting, “Hey, I’m going to get my stuff. Meet you back here in a few?”

“Absolutely. I’ll be over there,” I pointed to where Nicky was standing. “Don’t keep me waiting.”

Josh rubbed that beautiful jaw of his and winked at me. “Of course not.”

I smiled again at him. It became a habit to look pleasant around him now. I mosied over to the front door. As I walked by the food table, I overheard two interns (or some lower-level staff) gabbing.

"That dancer is smokin’ hot. She should tour with Timberlake or something. Be a video model.”

“She’s probably that guy’s girlfriend or fuck buddy. They act like they already know each other.”

“Yeah, they totally fuck.”

_Seriously?_

_Grrrr-eat._


	7. Chapter Seven

_They totally fuck._

That was the second last thing I needed to hear. Nothing made my blood boil more. It created a foul reaction.

Being publicly connected to a co-star.

I was losing my touch.

But I shouldn't have been surprised. We probably looked too comfortable; our smiles were brighter. I didn't scowl when he talked to me. That probably gave me away, because I always had an attitude and never warmed up to people.

It's happened before. Four times to be exact. Since I moved to the City, I always gravitated towards some handsome guy, gradually flirting and allowing him to spoil me. Then getting as much as I could out of it without getting caught. I never hesitated to act ike he was an outcast when others were around.

Of course, that mindset got me fucked. Figuratively and literally. Either I broke it off and got so much flak, or he would play the exact game I was giving. My last time was one of Evan's former assistants. That rendezvous turned into a month of awkwardness, as I dodged every phone call, conveniently bowing out of rehearsals. Then, I was surprised with a strong lecture from Evan, because his assistant didn’t want to work on any project I was involved in.

These mishaps allowed me to distance myself. I avoided others with a passion, blocking my feelings to settle into this situation. I loathed getting hurt ever since I was a child, so my answer was to shut down before it was too late.

I learned the hard way that any level of “romance” could definitely tarnish my path to stardom. Seeing how an ill-timed tryst affected my mentors and co-workers. I'm all for a good time and having a great fuck, and detaching afterwards. After the messy breakup with Evan's assistant, I promised myself that no matter what happened, I would let not a man take my focus away.

"Nicky, c'mon. We need to leave."

"I thought you were waiting for Josh. I saw y'all talking."

I glared at my brother while I adjusted the strap on my bag. He was always too observant.

"I know that, but those douches were talking about me and I am annoyed. So we need to go."

“About what, Sis?”

I muttered, “They think Josh and I are together. They think we hook up.”

“But…,” Nicky started, tongue-in-cheek. “Aren’t you? I see how y’all are. A little close for my liking. Especially for the self-proclaimed loner like yourself.”

I wanted to push Nicky into traffic. Once again, he found a way to turn my words against me.  When I didn’t answer but continued to stare at him, he must have realized to get back on my good side.

“Do you want me to talk to them?”

Dominic retrieved his phone. He knew how much of an issue this was for me. We didn’t want any sparks to fly in any blogs.

I slowly nodded with exaggeration.

“Yeah… That’s your job, Nicky. Making sure I don’t look bad. Duhh...”

Nicky stuck his tongue out at me, and followed up with the two men. I resumed my walk to the car.

I shrieked when I felt someone touch my arm. It was Josh, right next to me, with that crooked smile showing. I never understood how sneaky he could be or involved with myself I had become.

“I thought you were going to wait for me."

"Yeah,” I lied. “I got distracted and needed to put down my bags."

A few voices reminded me that people were in the vicinity. Watching us. In a hot second, I turned and power-walked to the car. Josh followed.

“What was that all about?”

“We need to leave.”

Josh looked surprised by my answer. "Why?"

"We just don't need to be seen together."

"Why not?"

"I don't need extra attention, Josh."

Josh chuckled and shook his head. "But isn't that what you want? To be seen?"  

He caught me. I hated confrontation unless I initiated it; I had to think quick to distract him.

"Want to come to my place? Show you around?”

Josh quickly licked his lips, then whispered in a husky tone.

“Are you trying to steer the conversation somewhere else?”

“Yeah,” I replied, switching on my performer’s charm. “To celebrate our productive day.”

We arrived at the complex in about 30 minutes; the ride from the shoot was very ho-hum. I gave Nicky the go-ahead to have a night out, my treat. When I unlocked the door and invited Josh inside, my eyes nearly fell out of their sockets. Straight ahead, my wreck of a room was in plain sight. I dropped my bag, and bolted to close the door.

"Hey, what are you doing,” Josh asked, obviously confused by my Tazmanian devil action.

I answered quickly, flustered by the inquiry. "My room's a mess! Didn't even think about that when I invited you."

His smile returned. “Oh yeah, that can be an ‘Oh, shit!’ moment.”

I went to the kitchen, and pulled out a frozen pizza. “You want some?”

“Sure,” he said.

As I prepared our dinner, I heard Josh. "You have a nice place. Have you always lived here?"

“No, Rehoboth Beach.”

“Ahh, I’ve heard of that. Do you visit home a lot?"

“We don’t,” I explained, chopping vegetables to put on our salad.

Josh continued, “Oh, yeah with work and all, I bet.”

I paused. I didn’t want him to know about everything, so I made sure to end this conversation.

“It’s just Dominic and me, so there’s no point to go there.”

A long minute had passed, before he said anything else.

Dinner seemed to be a success. I didn’t burn any food and he ate his serving. He volunteered to wash the dishes, so I let him. We stood side by side; he was washing, and I would dry. A soft jab of my arm, from him, got my attention.

“Thank you for inviting me over.”

I shrugged,  “You’re welcome.”

"Hey. I want to tell you something.”

I put my towel down and glanced at Josh. “Yeah?”

“I like you. A lot."

My mouth opened before I allowed Josh to go further and let my brain compute.

"Oh?"

"Is that okay," he asked, wrapping his arms around me. I felt goosebumps all over my body as he began to rub his thumbs against my hip bones.

I whispered, "Uh-huh."

Before I knew it, we started to kiss. His hands were caressing my face - it made me bubble up on the inside. I draped my arms around his neck and sighed into his mouth, which encouraged Josh to kiss me more fervently.

There wasn’t enough space in the kitchen to do anything, so I nudged him back into the living room.  I wasn’t going to waste time on innocent making out; one hand crept down into his pants, and the other placed firmly on his chest. Josh pulled away to strip down. I followed suit, rapidly shucking my clothes to the added pile.  My mouth began to water as I watched him sit down on the couch, only in his boxer briefs. Giving him a genuine smile, I slowly took off his underwear, allowing myself to see his member right in my face.

“Gabrielle,” he moaned as I lowered my mouth onto his dick. I worked my magic for several minutes, switching between sucking on him and playing with his balls. Every so often, he’d jerk and that was all I needed for satisfaction.

“Oh, shit,” Josh whispered, massaging my scalp. Before he could warn me, his cum spurted down my throat. Such a confidence boost knowing I could turn him on and excite him.

Glancing to watch him recover, I rubbed his legs. “You like that?”

“Hell yeah, baby,” he lazily smiled. Josh took me by the hand and we switched places. I knew what was coming and I wanted it. I wanted him.

I bit my lip as he slowly entered me. I knew I was loud and I didn’t want my neighbors hearing every detail. Once we were situated, I swiveled my hips, hoping every sensation would create more desire between us. My heart raced every time I felt him pulsating against my walls. In between loud sighs and skin slapping, and flirty phrases, I’d kiss him like it was my last time. I couldn’t resist him.

“Yes,” I hissed, digging my fingers into his back. Josh began to thrust harder, and palming my breasts as I bounced along to the rhythm we set. Hearing him grunt made everything better.

During a lull, Josh mumbled into my neck. “Fuck, you feel so good right now. You’re amazing.”

That did me in. I screamed like a mad woman as I came. Josh’s eyes shone as he continued to get me off, eventually giving me my second orgasm of the night. We went at it some more before he stilled and held onto me. He was so sweaty and warm. Our breathing had become synchronized, which scared me a little bit. I had never felt so connected with someone.

“Hey,” I mumbled against his chest. “Can you give me a minute? I want to clean my room so you can stay over.”

* * *

The concert had finally arrived. It was a quick weekend project, but we had worked several months on it. I was one of six performers chosen: with three girls, two guys. I had fun learning the choreography: wasn't too complicated but still challenging.

I spent all week between the studio and the venue, so Josh wasn't in the picture. I was officially back on my work flow.  It took me a while to not think about him fucking me or was it actual lovemaking? Whatever it was, I couldn’t let it tamper my performance.

After our final runthrough, I was greeted by a small bouquet of roses on my dressing room spot, at the mirror.

_Break a leg!  You're going to be great._

My nose flared in disgust. Who knew about this concert? Nicky never sent me flowers. I was hoping it wasn't the tall musician who was trying to flirt with me all week. That could be a bust.

In the dark, we sauntered to our exact spots on stage. As soon as the lights were on, I gave all I had: hitting every on every beat that was given to us. My hair was out in a wild, powerful mane. Short shorts, sexy boots. Getting my hip-hop groove on.

I smiled brightly for everyone to see. I wanted them to watch me. Every pirouette, chasse, split leap, and tilt. The spotlight was meant for me.

After the curtain closed with the thunderous applause, I raced to my corner in the dressing room.  I knew people were going to want to see me, but bed was calling my name.

"Gabs," the stage manager announced. "You have a visitor."

I gasped, “What? Let me change first."

It didn't take me too long to transition back into my street clothes. I secured my flowers in the crook of my arm, and left to find whoever came for me.

My heart sank when I found Josh in the hallway. Perched against the wall, in a baseball cap, a dark shirt with some band name on it, and grey jeans. His body jolted when he noticed me.

"Hey! You did a great job."

I tried to not let my teeth-sucking get too loud as he kissed my forehead. "Thanks."

"You're not happy to see me?" Josh playfully asked. His eyes searched mine for a nonverbal response. Already annoyed, I grabbed his hand and yanked him down the hall. He asked why we were leaving.

“We can’t be here, not together.”

“Gabrielle, why not? No one’s here.”

“You don’t know that. I’m trying to keep you safe. People are always watching.”

“I’m good, Gabrielle. I’m only here before I wanted to see you.”  

“Oh, great. Hope you weren’t disappointed,” I replied, feeling my eye twitch.

“Gabrielle,” he spoke. “Why do I get the sense that you’re hiding something or afraid of letting me get close to you?”

“What are you talking about?”

“I know this seems crazy, but you tend to put so many walls. I'm not used to that."

"Did you get these for me," I interrupted, looking at the bouquet.

Josh nodded, "Yes. They’re for you."

"Aight," I muttered.

"There’s something going on between us and I would like to explore that.”

“Why?”

“I care about you.”

Feeling my heart thump loudly in my chest, I shrugged off my anxiety by rolling my eyes. “How is that possible? We've only known each other for two weeks or something! No one can have true feelings for a person in that short of a time."

Josh ran his hand through his hair, visibly pissed. I looked away but I knew that his hazel eyes were set on me, like a target. I knew that I was treading on thin ice.

“What about the other night? I didn’t care about you then? What about when you told me you didn’t get the gig?”

I slowly answered with gritted teeth. “I don’t know.”

"Then what the hell was the other night? Us? In bed? No feelings were involved?"

“Shut up! We fucked, Josh,” I shouted at the top of my lungs, clenching my fists. “It meant nothing!”

I watched as Josh stormed off to pace the floor. His jaw was tightly set and his chest heaved up and down. This spectacle was a definite turn-off. Another reminder of why I didn’t mess with relationships.

“You know, I don’t want to be kept in a box. I’m not going to let you put me there, like everyone else.”

Josh shouted, “Damnit, Gabrielle! I’m not like everyone else!”

Definitely feeling my eyebrows furrow, I asked, “What?”

“I thought you’d know that by now. I wouldn’t be bothering you if I didn’t think I didn’t have a chance with you!”  His face had turned very red.

I’m baffled by his irritation. Everything about this was wrong and so damn repetitive. All of the men I interacted with gave me the same spiel.  I needed him to get it, so I confessed.

“Look. You’re leaving at some point, and I’ll be stuck here. Doing the same old things, struggling to find the next job. Clearly fucking my way to the top,” I declared with sarcasm, waving my free hand around.  “I keep falling for guys who can never promise me anything. I'm only here to further my career. I know I will disappoint you over and over.”

Josh appeared to start breaking down. "That's not true. You're wonderful. I knew you were someone special the moment I met you."

I raised my hand in denial. "Just stop. You’re trying to convince me that this is going to work out.  I...can't do this. I’m not a project you can work on and have it completed in 48 hours. We…I won’t be able to go further with you."

“Get to know me,” he offered. "I'll make it worth your time.”

I froze at his invitation. There was no way he could promise me that. We were in two different situations. He could find someone else just like that and I would be a distant memory. I shook my head and began to walk to my room.

“Gabrielle.”

“Baby,” I sputtered out. I had never called him any pet names before. “I'm a mess. You don't need me the way you think you do."

The thick cloud of tension hung over us. Words were failing me, once again. I took a step towards him, trying to smooth things over.

“I’m sorry. Give me space. Maybe I’ll see you later.”

Josh turned around and walked out, letting the door slam and leaving me in a dark hallway.

I stood there, shocked by everything. That wasn’t supposed to happen. Everything was going as planned; it was my script whenever I broke things off with a guy. So why did I feel guilty and why is he always screwing up my plan?


	8. Chapter Eight

“What is your problem?”

“What are you talking about?” I threw a confused look at Evan. He stared back from across the table.

"You know what I'm referring to."

Anytime we finished a project, we would always postmortem it. Our meeting place: a casual restaurant in Williamsburg for the usual lunch. It was the perfect spot for us - trendy, but extremely low-key.  Evan always brought his crew here, to confirm plans and establish goals.

The music video was our tenth gig together. Everyone knew that whenever Evan was involved with something, I was always nearby. He had been my guardian angel since I was selected to be a backrow dancer for a short film he was producing in grad school. It was like he pulled me from obscurity and helped me create the person and performer that I had become. For the various gigs, we traveled up and down the coast. We grew to appreciate our differences; find the calm in the other one’s madness. Tension always occurred, but we knew where we stood, and I respected him tremendously.  He was the older brother I wanted.

“I talked to Josh. You blew him off too?  Damn, girl, you keep on surprising me. For someone who always wants a man, you keep ditching the good ones. At this rate, you’ll never be with anyone.”

It had been nine days since I last saw or communicated with him. I wasn’t worried, because these lulls happened all the time. I had to think about what opportunity I was going to land next. Being in a relationship was the enemy to me.

"How did this come up," I inquired, stabbing at the pile of french fries in front of me. "I thought we were discussing the video."

Evan replied plainly, "I called him. I wanted his take on the whole thing. He asked about you, and then he told me about that debacle after the show."

My blood pressure began to rise; once again Evan gets word about my personal affairs and that irritated me so much. “Why should I entertain this, knowing I won’t see him again?”

“He _likes_ you."

I spat out,  "I call bluff. I am the last thing on his mind."

"I beg to differ. Heard in his voice when you got mentioned. And I know y’all hooked up. How about being surprised by the rehearsal at the studio?"

I shifted in my chair, embarrassment slowly creeping on my face.

"You would’ve slapped him during shooting if you weren't getting a piece,” Evan slyly commented, taking a piece of his sandwich. “You’ve got it bad, girl...”

“Please, he doesn’t phase me. I could find someone just that,” I challenged with a snap of my finger. Evan did not seem convinced; his blasé attitude, which included eye-rolling and the continuation of eating.  Holding my glass of alcohol, I confessed.

"I can’t be another pretty face on his wall of girlfriends, flings, and fuck buddies."

"And he can be on yours?"

I nearly choked on my Long Island iced tea; I grabbed the napkin to recover after my coughing fit. “Evan! Are you serious right now?”

Taking a sip of his water, Evan boldly looked at me. “You really think I don’t get you, Gabrielle Marchand? How long have we known each other?”

I pursed my lips, very hesitant to stroke his ego and further this point.

"Three. Years.”

Evan agreed with a smirk; he leaned across the table and spoke in a low tone, as if he was hiding information from the public. “Absolutely. I know where you’re at. You think this is a game you play, messing with others like they’re your dollies.”

I couldn’t even give a rebuttal to his obviously true statement. He lifted his finger as I started to open my mouth, so I knew he was not done.

“You find a guy, take him under your wing, use him to your advantage. Then you throw him away, after realizing he won’t fit your ideal, which is already fucked up, quite frankly. You’re no better than the guys you claim who do the same to you.”

He was reading me - listing the ingredients to a recipe I assumed only I knew about. For someone who had never been in a sexual relationship with me, Evan knew everything. I worked so hard to be this enigma - this elusive girl that could not be understood by anyone. And still, he would always reach to the heart of _my_ matter.

“You should get in touch with him.”

Crossing my arms, I emphatically said, “Absolutely not. There’s nothing to talk about.”

Evan raised his eyebrows again, “Oh? What was the last thing you said to him?”

A flashback of him leaving me back in that hallway…the disappointed look he had when I told him what we had was nothing.

I shielded my face from the sunlight. This was getting so uncomfortable. “I informed Josh that I wanted space,” I answered quietly.

Evan looked at me knowingly. “Hmm...yeah, and Josh has been respectful of your wishes.”

“Can we stop talking about him? He’s not here.”  I fumbled for my sunglasses. People knew Evan and I frequented the area; I wouldn't tolerate being photographed while I was getting worked up.

"Gabrielle,” he reasoned. “It may not seem logical, but I can tell that you care about him. It's okay.”

I closed my eyes. It was so hard to admit that this was true. Was I truly falling for Josh, the man I vowed I wouldn’t notice as anything other than a roadblock to my success? What was it about him?

“I don’t know.”

Evan replied, “I think you’re choosing not to see how a person can care about you. Flaws and all.”

Taking a moment to process it all, I pinched the bridge of my nose. “I’m the worst at this.”

“I know, and I won’t let you mess this up again. We're having a viewing party at my place on next Friday. You have to be there anyway and he’ll be back in town. Just giving you a heads up."

* * *

My whole being belonged to the art of dance. The rhythms, formations, details, and movements  - all of these elements were connected to give me life.

I had a rare off-day, so typically, I spent a few hours in my studio. Always needed to stay ahead of the competition, even when I was alone. I experienced such peace when I got to move and play. The restrictions that were placed on me were gone. Just me, with a mirror, some music, and my body.

The room was fairly clear of distractions, other than two dancers were working on a piece. I was able to use the other half of the space to clear my head and practice. I didn’t know them, so I minded my business. As I sat down to start warming up, one of them stood next to me.

“Can I help you,” I asked with a little irritation.

The dancer appeared to be nervous when she talked. "Hey there, I heard that you were in that video with Josh Hutcherson."

I was shocked; not because she knew who I was, but that the only reason why I was familiar to her was because of him. I silently nodded.

"Well, how was it?"

"The band was great. I liked the song. I wasn't expecting choreography to be involved," I lowered my upper body to the ground, creating a deep stretch while I extended my legs further apart, in a straddle.

The girl shook her head and laughed. "Oh, I don’t care about that. How was he?”

My confidence took a blow by her dismissal of my performance. Trying not to sound too disappointed, I answered, “He was alright. Decent partner.”

"That's so amazing,” the girl, who looked like a Paige or something, exclaimed. “He’s such a great actor and I think that’s awesome you got to work with him. I bet he’s wonderful.”

“Hmm, yeah, sure. I gotta get back to what I was doing,” I explained, very eager to get rid of her. I watched “Paige” chassé away to report to her friend. With a heavy sigh, I lifted myself up to standing. Another reminder of how this could never work. I couldn’t be seen as legitimate unless I was attached to someone else, who meant more, did more. Was more.

I put my headphones on and began experimenting to a new favorite song of mine. The strong piano chords prompted me to contract from my midsection regularly, then drag my foot a particular way, so I could turn effortlessly. The tempo changed every four counts - slow, then fast; heavy followed by rapid and sharp.  Everything was painful - each arm swing, head roll, and leg extension. I wanted to let go, but nothing was easy.

Sweat began to collect on my brow as I continued to dance. I wouldn’t stop until I knew this awful sensation of emptiness was gone.

But it never left.


	9. Chapter Nine

Evan’s apartment on the Upper East Side, was incredibly gorgeous. His penthouse had all the amenities and was decorated to perfection. It was spacious, modern, and a prime example of New York living. One day, I knew I needed to be in this situation. I desired this lifestyle of luxury - not concerned about the next paycheck, having the capability to do whatever I want, and being at the top. Who was I gonna cozy up with to make this happen?

I assumed our watching party would be publicized, or have some type of mark on social media, so I made sure to dress for the occasion: a fashionable top, jeans, and sensible booties. My hair was loose with big curls tonight, and I thought my makeup screamed "fierce". As much of a diva I was, I still took pride in my beauty routine. It usually took me about 30 minutes to create a flawless look, and that was being modest. I liked having control of my life, all the way down to the details.

The cab parked in front of the complex; I thanked the driver and tipped him. I reapplied a touch of gloss as I rode the elevator to the top floor. Evan’s apartment was only one of two residences on this level. I had been to his place so many times, but I was still nervous to make this appearance.  Taking a long breath, I planted my feet and knocked on the door. Evan greeted me with a smile, a few moments later.

“Gabs, you made it.”

“Yeah,” I stated, handing off a large bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon. I lowered my voice to add, “You told me I had to be here or else.”

Smirking, he agreed. “Why, yes, I did. Grab a seat, everyone’s pretty much here.”

I stopped to side-eye Evan. He nodded, confirming my suspicions. About fifteen people were present, socializing and drinking. I was a little miffed to know I didn't recognize most of them. Not wanting to make a scene, I quietly blended in.  

“Hey, Gabrielle!”

The rest of the group waved and said “hi” as I gave a half-hearted smile. As if I could already sense his presence, I spotted Josh. He was sitting on the couch, talking to one of the assistants. Yeah, that world-famous crooked smile and bright eyes, and the way he laughed with his whole body. He appeared to be having a great time - the life of the party, I gathered. I continued to walk to an empty chair in the corner, not letting the sight of him, deter my opinions. I didn't need him to affirm my social status.

Being the affable host, Evan shouted, “The food is on the balcony, so let’s dig in!”

I lingered while the crowd left to serve themselves dinner. My nerves were building; it was only a matter of time because how could we avoid each other and not talk.

“Hi.”

I smiled to myself. Letting my eyes meet his face, I greeted him. “Hey there.”

“How are you?”

“I’m alright,” I answered. “Just sitting here. How are you doing?”

“I’m fine. Enjoying this shindig we’re at,” Josh replied, offering me a friendly smirk.   

“You look nice.”

I gestured to my outfit. doing my best to dismiss the compliment. “I’m trying.”

He nodded with understanding. “That’s wonderful. I’m glad.”

I wasn't known for having butterflies or gooey feelings, but having him next to me and hearing his voice, made my heart skip. Being antsy wasn't part of my system, but he threw me off guard.

“Are you ready to see the video?”

“Mmhmm,” I confirmed. “Can’t wait.”

His eyebrows lifted in response; he probably wasn't sure if my answer was genuine or drenched in sarcasm. I returned to gaze at my hands. I knew I had to say something more, other than empty small talk.

“Hey. I’m sorry.”

Josh made a face that registered confusion.  “For what?”

“The last time I saw you. I snapped at you, when I shouldn't have,” I admitted carefully.

“Oh, that’s fine,” he replied, sticking his hands into his pockets. “It was a long day for you, and you probably didn't need me stressing you out.

My body slowly tensed - I didn't need him putting words in my mouth. “It’s not fine. I got scared. I’m not good with getting close with people. I just don’t know what you would want from me.” I wasn't lying. It didn't make sense for a celebrity to give a crap about anyone like me.

“I don’t further your career,” I explained, knowing full well that my tone became harsh. “I’m a nobody compared to you.”

Josh watched me; his eyes darkened, and I looked at how firmly his jaw clenched.  I could hear a little break in his voice as he talked.

“That doesn't matter. You’re somebody to me, Gabrielle Marchand. If you think I'm like the guys you're used to, you're dead wrong.  I’m sorry that I came a little too strong for you, but I’m very attracted to you. I needed to let you know."

My mouth opened in shock. 

"I care about you," Josh continued, "and not knowing if you feel the same way…”

The balcony door opened as Evan summoned everyone to return to the living room. Somewhat relieved of a potentially awkward situation, I had to make moves.

“I didn't get any food yet,” I rambled, jetting away, leaving Josh to stand there, dumbfounded. I couldn't handle another round of these lovey-dovey confessions and I certainly needed fresh air. Taking several deep breaths, firmly gripping the ledge, I tried to compose myself. It was a habit of mine to do this. If I had stayed, I don’t know what could have been said.  Closing my eyes, I allowed my heartbeat to regulate.

“Hey, we’re about to watch,” Evan called from behind me. I threw a thumbs up before slowly crossing the threshold. As I moved back to the corner, a quick glance at Josh confirmed that I fouled up a golden opportunity to be vulnerable and genuine with him. He lowered his head as I passed by.

I was relieved. My bitch factor had returned and I was shutting him out. I couldn't be swayed by petty, fleeting emotions. With a pursed lip, I fiddled with my hair as Evan stood in front of the television.

“I want to thank you all for making this project wonderful. I couldn't have done it without you. I hope you all are proud of yourselves. The video will be online tomorrow but I wanted everyone to get a first look. I want to personally thank Gabrielle and Josh, for being so kickass.”

I forced a quick grin as everyone clapped; still couldn't bring myself to look at him. He could tell I was putting on a show.

As soon as the video started, bright colors covered the screen. The band, don’t even remember their name anymore, crooned about vague concepts and a need for approval. It must have been a catchy song because several voices in the room were heard, singing along. I had started to lose interest when he appeared. And then...I couldn't look away; I was in a trance. Everything was so blurry except him and me.

_He was a star._

I watched with fascination at how we danced -  it looked effortless. The camera zoomed in on every piece of interaction. His eyes sparkled whenever we were dancing; although we were performing for the camera, it looked natural.  I shifted my gaze to everyone else. They were smiling, pointing. Then I found him; his body had stilled. I connected the reaction to whenever I was on the screen. It was like he wasn't looking for anyone else but me. I didn't understand - all I was doing was moving.  His lips curled into another smile as soon as my face was shown, either smiling or getting close in my movements.

I cringed; I was not enjoying the video anymore. A visual reminder that we would be linked. Me, as _his_ co-star, instead of the headliner. I could tell something would happen once we were done, like questions about our chemistry, and if we’d get together anytime soon.

When the screen turned black, everyone cheered.  I felt a hand on my shoulder, shaking me out of my thoughts.

“Great job,” a woman told me. I didn't recognize her but she was beaming at me, hoping for some response.

I responded with uncertainty. “Umm, thanks.”

One by one, the other viewers complimented me, asking about my next project, how gorgeous we looked.

"You were fabulous," Evan kissed my forehead. I blinked rapidly. "We couldn't have done this without you."

"You and Josh look amazing together."

I thanked the guests, then escaped to the kitchen. The realization that I was not comfortable being at the party was there. I wasn't ready for face all of this unwanted attention, and ultimately, resolving matters with them, Josh, and myself.

Evan and the assistant began to hand out champagne flutes. Before I received a glass, I grabbed my purse and headed for the door.

“Hey, where are you off to?”

“Gabs!”

Their questions meant nothing to me. I pulled the door open and slammed it shut. My feet couldn't take me far enough. I frantically pushed the elevator button; it was taking too long, with each floor number being lit, way behind schedule.

“Gabrielle, wait.”

“Shit, shit, shit,” I muttered, experiencing more dread as I could sense footsteps getting closer to me.

“Hey, hey,” Josh spoke in an extra low, raspy tone, trying to calm me down. His fingertips circling the middle of my back.  “Are you leaving because of me? I’ll go because this is your thing.”

“Leave me alone, Josh.”

“No.”

“Please,” I insisted.

Josh moved from behind me to cradle my face in his hands. I didn't want to look at him again because I knew this wouldn't end the way I wanted.  My eyes shifted everywhere but where I needed to look.

“Gabrielle.”

Even as I fought with my inner struggle, his voice brought me back. To that calm place.

I whispered, “What?”

Josh tilted his head, placing his lips on mine. There was no pause, there was no explanation for why he did so. My head was telling me to stop him, resist this. But with his proximity to me, the scent of his cologne, the way his thumbs rubbed my jaw, and my eyes closing, I had nothing to counteract with.

It was like the first time I touched him, at that bar so many weeks ago. A time when I had reservations but the intense draw of a dark space and alcohol overtook me. But now, there was only us, in this lobby. I wanted to let go of all of the negative - experience some kind of freedom and finally admit that it could be reasonable to let someone have a piece of me. Let _him_ in. Hot tears wanted to fall, but I wouldn't let them. A loud sigh escaped as he pulled me closer. My insides ached as I used all energy to kiss the fuck out of him.

"Hey," he whispered against my neck. "Give me a chance, Gabrielle." His breath was so warm against my skin, I was ready to bask in it.

Before anything escalated, I silenced him with another fierce kiss. I didn't want words, I wanted action. Josh’s grunts encouraged my prompt.  I nibbled on his lips while wrapping my arms around his neck. There was no denying that whatever this was, was more than just a precursor to getting away and having sex. I pushed him back against the wall, next to the elevator.  We continued, standing so painfully close; the tips of our noses brushed against each other. I loudly moaned as he grasped my hips; the struggle of wanting more and containing myself was nearly impossible.

The “ding” of the elevator surprised us. Actually disappointed that we had to stop what we were engaged in, I leaned my forehead against Josh’s shoulder.

“We...” I started, out of breath. “should talk about this.”

Josh hummed in agreement. I smoothed out my clothes, hiding any signs of a disturbance, as he pulled himself together.  

“Let me say goodbye to everyone.”

With a raised eyebrow and an incredibly sexy glance geared towards me, he added, “Don’t go."

This time, I didn’t.


	10. Chapter Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music Inspiration: "You Give Me Something" - James Morrison.

I wasn’t expecting the change of pace.  Seriously. Last thing I knew, I was standing my ground, ready to combat any type of opposition, and subsequently run. Then, once again, I got sidetracked and caught up by someone who I wasn’t expecting to understand where I was coming from, or believing in some kind of good in me. I wanted to slip away, leaving the expectations of the people who were inside that room. But he took the next step, meeting me halfway, in my darkest hour.

“C’mon,” Josh said, taking my hand in his, as we journeyed outside from Evan’s apartment. The elevator ride was uneventful, with the exception of two long kisses and intriguing exchanges. We stood at the curb as he worked on hailing a cab. I remained quiet as the sounds of the neighborhood’s activities created a warm ambience. Assuming that I was lost in my thoughts, Josh nudged me.

“Hey. What’s going on right now?”

I furrowed my eyebrows, very confused by his question. Nothing was going on, except standing outside on a street, waiting for a cab, with a man I still wasn’t sure I had feelings for.

“Huh?”

Josh leaned forward and rubbed his thumb against my hand; his voice, soft, and low. “You think you’re hard to read, but you’re not. What keeps you from letting others in?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You heard me.”

Taken aback by his snarky comment, I retaliated with a extremely vague answer.

“Everything.”

“Everything,” he asked with an incredulous laugh, obviously intrigued by what I told him.

I looked at him square in the eye, still fascinated by that ungodly chiseled jaw, and passionate hazel eyes, while repeating myself in a drawn out form. “Everything.”

“You know you have to explain,” he squeezed my hand tighter. “Because I need answers.”

I shrugged as a cab finally arrived in front of us. Releasing his grip, Josh opened the door for me, and I slid all the way into the far seat. He directed the driver to the hotel he was staying at.

“What do you want to know?”

Josh scooted into the middle seat, defeating my chance to get some distance.

“As you simply put it, _everything_.”

I rolled my eyes, because I knew he was teasing me.

“Fuck off, Hutcherson."

Josh reacted to my muttering by winking at me. “If I could, I would, Gabrielle Marchand."

Shaking my head, I peered out the window. I cursed myself for entertaining his thoughts. How can anyone not comply with his wishes? _Damn you_ , I thought. Too late to ignore him.

"Alright, what do you want now?"

Josh took a dramatic pause while rubbing the underside of his jaw, peppered with hair.  “Okay. Tell me why is it so difficult for me to get to know you, before you push me away? Why can’t we have a normal conversation before you look at me like the devil?”

My mind started to race as I frowned at Josh. I had never given personal facts to him, other than what was necessary. It was how I operated. I needed to be distant from others in order to get myself together. There was much to hide, but I never had the right opportunity to open up.  My past experiences ended in turmoil and were so raw to the touch, I never wanted to share.  There was no place to be weak - not with my career on the line.

“You don’t have to tell me everything, just something. So that I can understand,” he gently offered while I was preoccupied in my game plan.

My eyes closed for a few seconds, absolutely unsure of what would happen if I went forward with this. This wasn't a terrain I was familiar with. After a long sigh, I rewarded Josh with my answer.

"I wasn’t the ideal. No one expected me to succeed as a dancer. A wannabe from little ol’ Rehoboth. I was never good enough - always placed in the back. Never got picked to debut compositions during recitals. I accepted that for a while. Then I got angry one day because I kept getting passed over.  So, I worked my ass off in class for years until I made it. Rejection is a bitch, but I had to survive and make my dreams happen. It was only a matter of time until everyone wanted me in their group. But then I couldn't trust anyone.”

I realized we had been waiting at a red light; I paused so the driver wouldn’t hear. My own confession was taking my own breath away - I had never been this candid with anyone. It fucking scared me. Josh's eyes were fixated on me the whole time. As if my monotone narration was the most intriguing piece of information to him. For once, I could not decipher how he made of this situation.

As the cab sped off, I continued, but only speaking in a hushed volume.

“That was hard, but what made me shut everyone out was this: Dominic and I were only raised by our grandparents. My parents couldn’t deal with us, I guess. I was never told why they left. My Nana refused to answer me after so many sit downs. Then, it became so embarrassing to dodge questions from my friends. We were the outcasts and that scarred me to get ridiculed constantly and seeing Nicky depressed. So I gave up and told them they were government officials, always out of town.”

Making my way back to look at Josh, I calmly added, “Don’t even know if I remember being around them. I don’t know. That was a dark time in  my life and now I don’t care.”

I caught myself before the lump in my throat decided to betray me. Josh looked so heartbroken  - definitely reminiscent of the characters he played. Compassion appeared to wash over him as he reached for my hand, again.

"Gabrielle. I'm so sorry. I didn't know."

“Of course you wouldn’t know, Josh,” I loudly replied, shrugging off his touch. “Because I don’t tell people and honestly, it’s none of their business. I want them to see me, for me, not pity or judge me because of my circumstances.”

After a few beats of silence, Josh closed his mouth, faced forward, and grunted. I watched him for a while when a smirk appear and that pissed me off. I allowed myself to be vulnerable with him, and somehow, he turned this quiet moment into some joke.

“Oh really? This is funny to you now?”

He shook his head and I pushed his shoulder because I was fuming.

“What?!”

“Well, for starters, you don’t play fair. You assumed the worst of me, because of my situation," Josh firmly stated. "In your mind, on day one, I was the asshole who was trying to ruin all of your moments. Not even once thinking I wanted to be your friend. That's what you did and you know that.”

My eyes got so large as he grinned some more, knowing how gullible I was. Falling for the oldest trick in the book - blackmail. He looked very satisfied as I tried to deflect my harsh blush by scooping my hair into a bun.

“I guess you're right. I didn't think about that.”

Josh slightly raised his eyebrow. “Just saying. Now, do you want to flip the switch and ask me tough questions?”

I scrunched my nose in disgust and waved off his suggestion. “That won’t be necessary.”

“C’mon,” Josh playfully whined, “It’s only right, Gabrielle.  You want to get back at me for prying.”

I found myself sucking my teeth -- embarrassed didn’t even cross my mind. Now he was the doing the most by being an asshole and I wasn’t about to lose in this mental battle. Finally, something popped into existence and I wanted to let him have it.   

“What’s so fascinating about me, huh? Why do you strut your way, making a big deal out of getting to know me? Why do you even care about me?”

Josh shot a glare then pulled out his phone. I waited for an answer, but he remained silent. My interrogation must have made a resounding impact on him because he kept tapping away at whoever he was messaging. If he couldn't explain the reasons for these games, there was no chance for us. Then it dawned on me.

I wanted him around. Who could have challenged me so much, to the breaking point, and lead me to find a silver lining to my fucked up view of life? It was him. I didn't know of anyone who was that persistent. Josh was correct - I assumed the worst, and he looked for the best. I needed someone like him in my world.

Josh's voice broke through the silence.

“I think you deserve to be appreciated for more than being a stellar performer. As much as you like to act and present a façade that no one wants to tear down, you have feelings. You hurt and smile and laugh as much as the next person. Now I know that you are used to being forgotten. But I don’t want to forget you. You have a beauty that draws me in, and I want to know that woman. I think...I _know_ I’m falling for you.”

The cab finally brought us to our destination and I couldn't have been more relieved and terrified.

As I studied Josh, my eyes were possibly wider than saucers. I was expecting some lame answer, and as much as it seemed cliché, it wasn't.

"Uhh, wow."

Josh kissed my cheek and pressed his forehead against mine. He whispered, "You didn’t say a word and I approve that I can render you speechless."

I distracted myself by finding money to give, but Josh handed off a wad of cash to the driver.

“Thanks for everything, Sir. We appreciate it so much.”

As I got out of the car, I looked around to find we were in Manhattan, in front of a nice hotel. I must have been so involved, I forgot about our whereabouts.

“Why are we here?”

Josh gave me a classic "shy boy" stance as he pushed his hands into his pockets, replying with caution. "I thought we could get away. Chill, watch tv, maybe talk some more. Is that okay?”

Reading into his question, I wondered, was it alright? Was I going to give him permission to tiptoe into my mind and possibly, my heart?

I needed to find out before giving him my final answer.


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music Inspiration - "The Pressure" by Jhene Aiko  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zx_Bw91gv5E

_I care about you baby, baby_

_More than you'll ever know_

_More than you'll ever know_

_Please do not drive me crazy, crazy_

_Unless you're gonna go with me...._

_I never denied you,_ _I was for sure...._

_But it's really out of my control_

_The way you feel is not my problem_

_I don't wanna see you go_

_But I don't have time to solve this_

_And you don't have the right_

_After all you put me through_

_I'm starting to realize_

_Pressure_

_The pressure I know you feel_

_Pressure_

_The pressure just keep it real_

_\------_

“Hey, Nicky. I don’t know if Evan or anyone called you, but I left the party early. Don’t worry. I’m just...with Josh. Told him we could talk, so...yeah. Just text me if you need anything. Love you. Bye.”

I used my obligatory phone call to my brother as extra time before making my decision. We entered the hotel lobby and I immediately whipped out my phone.  Maybe hearing Nicky's voice would mentally sober me up. I couldn't let the prospect of another round of attention-getting fog up my night. Didn't want him to lead me on and vice versa.

Finally I asked Josh, who was being surprisingly patient, leaning against the wall next to the elevator. “Ok, so what's in it for me?”

Josh cocked his head to the side, letting a few strains of brown hair stray to the side.  "What do you mean?"

"I just can't grasp why you brought me back here. Why do you want to do this? Why should I trust you, Josh?"

“To experience something new, Gabrielle,” he replied. “I would never hurt you.”

My arms crossed, most likely throwing my walls up as an automatic defense mechanism. I knew he wouldn’t, but everything from my last relationship was still so fresh in my mind.

"I just...don't know."

I witnessed Josh's demeanor transition. His jaw began to clench, eyes squinting. The hazel eyes that usually portrayed kindness, now were glossed over with anger.

"I get it. If you want to stay on this fucked up see-saw, be my guest. I can't stand it when you go back and forth. You seem interested, then you question every last thing I say. I leave tomorrow night and I'll leave you alone. Never bother you again. But never think that I didn't want you. Because I do."

"There's too much pressure I put on myself to be the best. I told you that, Josh."

"And you think I don't know how that is? Huh? Really, Gabrielle? I know how you feel - probably more so."

I spat out, "Okay. Fine. I see you're a great job guilt tripping me, once again."

Hearing him grunt made me more upset.

"That's not what I meant to do!"

"Then what are you doing?" I finished my tirade before looking back at the audience we had in the lobby. I scurried off to another elevator down the row. Josh followed.

"Gabrielle, wait."

Josh gently rubbed my arm. I could tell he was watching me, eager for an answer. I sighed.

"I know it's been rough, but would you want to try again? I’ll make it worth your while. Start over and talk? Just chill over drinks?”

I rolled my eyes. "You don't have any new gimmicks? That's what you said the last time. Got anything else, Hutcherson?"

The bridge of Josh’s nose crinkled as he suddenly burst into laughter. Cheeks rising and reddening. "You're right. I'm not perfect, but I will do my best to prove your assumptions wrong.”

I shook my head as I grinned; never could resist a good sense of humor and amazing charm. Josh had this special way of relieving tension and that is exactly what he did. The layered build-up of anger was dissipating.

His promise convinced me.

"Alright. What are we waiting for?  Lead the way."

Josh smiled, pressing the elevator button. "Okay."

I would have been lying if I didn't think I wasn't nervous. I still couldn't get over this "hardcore" front I pulled for so long. Being honest and vulnerable could be okay. Might as well start at this moment.

“Make yourself comfortable," Josh spoke, letting me walk inside first. "I’ll get us some water or whatever you want.”

"'May I have a vodka?"

"Sure! Good thing I bought some last night."

I plopped on the couch as Josh sat down with my drink. A drink would absolutely calm me. I kept forgetting how stressful being with a man could be.

As I received my liquid gift, I eyed his selection. "You like bourbon?"

"Absolutely," he winked. "'My drink of choice. It's a cardinal sin not to. I'm from Kentucky. That's what we do. Drink whiskey. Ya know, I was drinking this when I saw you at that bar."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

"You were so pretty, I had to go up and talk to you," Josh admitted, taking a sip from his glass. His eyes kept watching me.

"You’re kidding.”

Josh replied, “Nope. When Evan introduced us, I knew I wanted to get to know you better.”

“But didn't you notice that I was acting so cold towards you," I questioned. "I was trying very hard to get you to leave me alone!"

He shrugged and made a face. "Yeah, but I assumed you were just doing that for a reason. I was a stranger - you didn't know me. As we got to talkin', I was hoping you'd change your mind."

To hear Josh's reasoning with such innocence, it somewhat broke my heart. He wasn't trying to one-up me. He wanted to get to know me.

"Yeah..."

I looked at my cup, as if something life-changing was floating around. I didn't remember much of that night; but I knew I was such a jerk to the man next to me.

"Look, I know it's been hectic. Even tonight has been a shit show. But I care about you so much. I want you to know that, Gabrielle."

I closed my eyes, letting his words permeate. No one gave me what Josh was offering to me. Was this love I was experiencing?

"Are you hungry? Would you like something to eat?"

I felt relieved by the new topic at hand. "I wouldn't mind a burger. The food at Evan's didn't cut it." I smirked at my own jab as Josh paused, eyes large with concern.

"It wasn't an insult. Evan just doesn't provide the kind of food I need. I need real stuff, not bougie finger foods."

Josh chuckled. "Oh, I get it. Okay, let's see what we can find."

He called the lobby for two burgers with fries.

"I'm going to change, is that okay?"

I nodded. "I can handle being by myself."

After he closed the door, I allowed myself to think. Now that the video was over, it began to settle in my brain that unless I made a conscious effort, we wouldn't be seeing each other. I wasn't sure if this would be the best ending to whatever we had.

A knock on the door prompted Josh to return. He was wearing some tight band tee shirt, along with these form-fitting jeans, that the universe made to taunt me. His ass stuck out like whoa, I had no choice but to stare.

"Here ya go."

I gasped as Josh handed my plate. "I'm sorry, thanks."

"Bon appétit."

Raising my glass, I let it clank with Josh's. I knew I was in trouble when our eyes met, and I could see contentment and joy in his face.

I started my dinner, clearly enjoying every bite. My brother texted me back so I had my side conversation with him. Between bites, I'd peek over, finding out what Josh was up to. He must have been starving because he ate his meal with such gusto and wasn’t talking. I sort of felt embarrassed, because I was a little jealous of that burger, getting such passion from its’ consumer.

Something gravitated towards me and then it dawned on me.

"You have such a large mouth," I confessed, knowing that I had been staring at every move of his for the last ten minutes. Every blink, twitch, lip pucker, and "omm" spoken as he enjoyed the last bites of his food.

A cocky grin appeared as Josh casually rubbed his chin, then glanced at me. Those hazel orbs threw me for a loop - I didn’t know if I offended him or possibly gave him the best compliment. My eyes remained on target as he shifted closer to me on the couch - there was no space between us now; our bodies were basically overlapping. His lips tickled my ear as he answered:

"Thank you. I take pride in it. Gives me a better opportunity to taste everything. Including all of you, my dear."

My jaw dropped immediately - I could have laughed or gasped. It was obvious that he liked to push the envelope, but to be so upfront sexually. That surprised me. But I was completely amused because I knew he was true to his word.

“Wow. Wouldn't mind getting some of that on my menu," I added sarcastically.

Josh looked back at me, whispering, "That can be arranged."

I stuffed two French fries in my mouth.

"You're such a lil' shit."

"I know," he teased, before kissing my temple. "But I wouldn't mind being your lil' shit."

My heart skipped a beat. I didn't know how to respond to that.

After we finished, we continued to lounge on the couch, enjoying the air conditioner. Josh opted to lie down; his back was leaning against my knees. Like scratching a beloved pet, I got my kicks into feeling around his "neckbeard", touching those coarse hairs; I observed that the length varied any time I saw him. It felt so good against my fingertips. His face relaxed into a blissful state as I lazily touched him. The long and wide strip of hair gracing the underside of his chin, could throw me for a loop for days.

I was calm. When was the last time I deliberately chilled with a guy, without already having sex? Was this a date? There was a serenity about this and it scared me. I would have never thought about this happening in a hundred years. But what good is life if you don't get challenged by situations and people you're drawn to?

His eyes met mine, putting a rest to my rapid mental tug-of-war.

“Hey,” he breathed.

“Hi.”

"You know, I like this. No fighting, just being here."

“Yeah. It’s nice,” I answered.

"I'm bummed the video is over. I'm going to miss seeing you all the time."

I casually "hmm"-ed. Josh lifted his hand and reached for my face, and with his eyelids lowering, he invited me to get closer.

“C’mere.”

I leaned forward and captured his mouth. A warmth flooded throughout my being. His lips tasted so sweet against my own.

This time, it was a different kind of kiss. I kissed him because I wanted to; not out of anger or hurt, or because I needed a boost out of loneliness. In that moment, I could see myself being with him. Because it just felt right.

"Thank you."

Josh inquired softly, "For what?"

"For not rushing me."

"What do you mean?"

"No one has ever been this patient with me. Guys don't have time for me. I'm a bitch. I'm not even patient with myself."

Josh replied, "I think you're wonderful."

I continued without listening to his compliment. "You probably wanted something more since we met, but I wasn't looking for that. My mindset was somewhere else. Until now. So thanks for not being a douche. And umm..."

A few seconds had passed and I couldn't get the words out.

"Gabrielle?"

"Hmm?"

"What were you going to say?"

I felt another blush on my cheeks. "I fail at heart-felt confessions."

"Try me."

"I... I want you to stick around. I want to get closer to you, Josh. I need you in my life."

Josh rushed to lift himself to kiss me again, nearly startling me. After he pulled away, he finally said, "Best news I've heard all day."

I laughed. "Really?"

"Yeah! Hey...What time is it?"

I checked my phone. "Ooh, 10:42."

“You wanna,” he suggested, rubbing my leg, and gesturing towards his room.

Not thinking clearly, I asked, "Huh? What, spend the night?"

Josh stood up, giving me a side-eye, as if I was crazy. "Yeah, I don't want you getting back late. Plus. I'd love to have you stay..."

"Oh? Oh. Yeah!"

He snorted then reached down to take my hand.

"Come with me."

I never got tired of hearing that voice of his. A sweet combination of deep and raspy, with a hint of Southern bliss. Even with his not-so-subtle invitation, he was still a gentleman.

Once we made it to the bedroom, I sat on the bed, waiting for his next move. He didn’t waste any time to strip, exposing himself. His erection was pulsating in front of me. I couldn't stop feeling so turned-on as I disrobed. He looked so perfect and he wanted to be with me.

"Baby...."

With his pants still on, but down to his calves, he carefully paced towards me like John Wayne in a shoot-out. I giggled at this display. He smirked. I licked my lips, while eying him jerking on his cock. His body was so delectable, I was ready to enjoy him.

When he approached the bed, I propped myself on my elbows and my legs immediately spread out -- they had a mind of their own. He took one more step closer and hovered over me. I gasped lightly when he brushed his fingers up and down my thighs, creating shocks down my spine. Before I could say anything, Josh descended to my center, making great use of his mouth.

“Fuck,” I slowly groaned, writhing, letting my body react.

I heard a faint “mmhmm” coming from between my legs; Josh agreed to my statement as he continued to explore me. His long tongue laps, quick pulls on my lower lips and clit, and hungry moans quickly took me over the edge.

My mind couldn't grasp how this man wanted me. He was treating me like a Queen. It seemed to be too good to last.

A strong wave hit me as I came; by this time, Josh had included his thick fingers. Those damned fingers that knew what I needed, when I needed it.

With my hands massaging his scalp, I attempted to remain calm, but that was a bust. I continued to wail as my body felt the effects of Josh's beautiful work.

Josh slowly lifted his head and smirked.

"Bet you weren't expecting that, huh?"

I turned my head in response; my voice shook as I spoke. "No. I thought you just wanted to fuck and get what you wanted."

“I will always find a way to surprise you. Please you. Make you happy that you chose me.”

I reached to wipe the wetness off his face; he was seducing me - physically and emotionally. My eyes started to well up with tears.

“Josh, you don’t even know...how that...made me happy."

I watched as he beamed and climbed onto the bed to kiss me. Already tasting myself, I pulled on his lower lip, waiting to get a rile out of him. His cock brushed against my bare skin. I couldn't wait any longer, by his hardness, neither could he. Josh quickly ripped his pants off and I scooted back to the bed, encouraging him to start.

He silently gestured for approval and I answered with a strong yes. I couldn't stop looking at him as he slowly filled me up. The determination shown on his face excited me more. I felt so vulnerable as he looked at me, but I was ready for this next step. My eyes rolled in my head and I breathed a deep sigh of contentment.

"Josshhh..."

The bed squeaked as our weight sunk into the mattress. Josh aligned himself to my hips, using his arms and hands as leverage. I swung my leg around, digging my heel into his back. As so we began rocking back and forth, letting our rhythms sync. I was in awe of him.

We barely talked; I actually smiled a few times when Josh kissed my neck or chest. He felt like Heaven. I needed him, it was becoming so clear.

"Oh my God," Josh mumbled into my ear. "You feel perfect right now, beautiful. So, so beau--"

A loud burp echoed off the walls. My eyes widened in surprise and then I giggled loudly because this wasn't expected. At all.

"Yeesh, I'm sorry," he apologized, shaking his head. “Trying to be all romantic and my body betrays me! Damn burger."

I lifted my head, giving him several kisses in a row, while playing the hairs on his chest. "I. Don't. Care. I'll probably burp in the next five minutes. You're human and I love that. Now sit up. Please."

Josh followed suit. I climbed up on top of him, wrapping my arms around him. I wanted to please him as much as he did for me. He groaned into my mouth as we reconnected. Everything was just too wonderful. In my bliss, I made sure he was taken care of as well. Each kiss burned in my soul; every thrust making a mark, which couldn't leave me.

"Josh. Josh, Josh," I moaned as he went faster. My eyes couldn't stay shut; everything was going so well and I didn't want the night to end. I thought I'd literally fall over, but he held on tightly to me. My walls repeatedly clenched as I felt every groove of him inside of me. I knew I was going to reach my high...

Finally, my stomach began to uncoil as I muffled my strong desire to scream with another kiss. Hearing him constantly grunt and moan was such an experience. He wanted this too. We held onto each other because there was nothing else to do. It was like every burden was being torn down as I came. The stars were so bright, I didn't want to look away and leave this feeling.

As my breathing slowed down, I realized that I didn't want to move out of Josh's embrace, even though we were so sweaty. No words could express how I thought about him right now.

"Hey."

"Hi, baby," he answered in a shaky tone.

"I'm so sorry."

Josh immediately glanced at me, with concern. "What? Why?"

I rubbed his arms as I apologized. "Forgive me for doubting you. Doubting this. I was so scared. But now, I see what's different about you and me."

Josh smiled. "I adore you, Gabrielle. Are you willing to give this a try?"

Without a moment to spare, I answered confidently.

"Yes."


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music inspiration: "Not A Bad Thing" - Justin Timberlake and "Shut Up & Dance" - Walk The Moon

The moment of fulfillment you have after a night of hard work and passion. When your heart is satisfied when you accomplish your goals. Sweat and tears being a physical sign of all the dedicated time you put forth.

Those moments were a collection of the life I accepted - I wouldn't change that for anything.

But that only happened when I committed myself, body and soul, to dance.

Parallels showed themselves in my current situation. The struggles I endured dissipated when I let myself let go of my hurt and feel something new with Josh.  His presence brought a transformation into my life that I did not expect.  A change that proved to be necessary for me.

And in this moment, I knew that I was happy.

Thin streams of light hit my face, breaking my sleep. Instead of scrambling out of bed in fear, I breathed; this moment felt right. I watched Josh for a little while, who was still deep in slumber. Bedhead galore, Josh snored softly into the pillow. His back, colorfully marked with a nautical tattoo, slowly rose and fell in sync with his breathing.  For a moment, I thought he was in discomfort. I guess being on his stomach was his favorite sleeping position.  Kinda cute.

We were so close, I could pinpoint the numerous freckles that covered his face. It was so tempting to move my finger to connect the natural dots on his skin.

Going back to that fateful morning when I found myself in the same position. I was eager to leave, get to my next destination. Now, I didn't move at all.

It took me weeks, seven to be exact, to realize that being with someone could be a good thing. Especially Josh. I began to see myself with him - around town, observing rehearsals, at my place, traveling anywhere. Not embarrassed to be associated with this guy. I was such an asshole for pushing him away. I could've lost him for good.

"Good morning," I gently called. There was such a sweet feeling, lying next to him. I couldn’t describe it, but I knew something was changing in me when I peppered his shoulder blade with quick kisses. Josh's lips curled into a smile after slowly opening his eyes.

"Hey, good morning to you. You didn't leave."

"I'm right here,” I whispered, inching a little closer. "I didn't want to.”

"Really? Good. Because I didn't want you to go." Josh's eyelids lowered blissfully while swinging his arm around me. We cuddled in silence, getting reacquainted with each other.

"Hmm, this is awesome," Josh said, creating figure 8’s on my arm with his finger.

"I agree."

I stretched my limbs and yawned. When I finished, I realized Josh was looking at me intently. My eyes caught on his subtle tongue swipe on his lips. I was mesmerized by him. So I knew I had to ask the million-dollar question.

"So...you're definitely leaving today?"

"Yeah, tonight," Josh replied pensively. I noticed his eyes wandered to the ordinary sheets that covered us. What was he doing? Trying to find words?

“But I can come back, if you want me to. I have some time before I film again. You tell me and I'll get here as fast as I can."

I felt a small grin appear on my face. Josh was giving me hope and was showing himself to be a reliable kind of man. That was completely the opposite of what I was used to in my limited experiences of dating. I needed to appreciate that.

"You seem to be here for the long haul.”

Josh smirked and answered matter-of-factly. “I am.”

“That sounds good."

He sat up and linked his fingers with mine. "Rehearsal or dance class today?"

I yawned again before answering. "Neither. Just going to relax, work on some choreography back home, before I have a big practice next week."

Josh leaned forward to kiss me. He didn’t have to go far. The spark of his touch caused a bold current that moved through me, all the way down to my toes. Never felt this way in a long time, or probably at all. Feeling his thumb rub that small crook between my jaw and neck, I could sense myself turning into goo. I surprised myself; I was allowing all of this to happen.

"You stayed," he mumbled in between kisses.

My eyelashes rapidly fluttered as I answered him back. “Josh. This really means something to you, doesn’t it?”

He nodded, giving me a crooked smile.

“It does.”

_There._ Like a heavy sigh of relief when the storm had finally passed. My heart was lighter. The pressure to resist was gone.

“I’m glad.”

“Me too.”

* * *

 

_1 and a 2 and a 3 and a 4_

_ 1 and a 2 and a 3 and a 4 _

 

After more cuddles, kisses, and a bittersweet goodbye, I took the train back to my apartment, to get back on my grind. Counting in my head and drilling steps into my body. As much as I was currently keen on Josh, I needed to focus on my true love - the reason why I could have only met him in the first place.

Had to dance, had to move, had to breathe, had to live.

_Arms cross, then down, cross and down._

_Sway. Those. Hips._

_Pas de bourrée, pas de bourrée, lunge forward and prep.  Triple pirouette, step out into a lunge._

_Chassé downstage right, plié._

_End with a firebird jump and pose._

 

Dominic and I made the mutual decision to create a practical yet artistic space in the apartment. With a few adjustments, the living room could turn into a dance studio, if we pushed the table and two chairs back. Just in case I wanted to brush on movement or choreography.  Today, I made sure to practice extra hard, to ensure perfection, also to eliminate the disappointment of Josh’s departure.

I received a text from Evan, informing me of a short visit, so I freshened up and waited for him.  His four knocks, two soft, two loud, reminded me that he was outside.

"Gabs," Evan exclaimed, grabbing my shoulders, forcing a strong peck on my cheek, then moving into the apartment. Stunned, I closed the door.

“Hi, Evan.”

"I need to talk to you.”

My eyebrows lowered, taken aback by the seriousness of Evan’s voice. It was so firm.   "Okay..."

Evan nodded and quickly asked, “Remember that audition you had last month?”

I immediately felt a harsh blow in my stomach. The kind you get when a horrible memory slaps you in the face and makes you sick.

“Unfortunately....”

“Well,” Evan started, pulling out one of our chairs for me to use. “The choreographer liked you.”

I curled my lips in jest as I sat down. “Oh, really now? Certainly didn’t like me enough to cast me in that show. Why would you tell me this?”

Evan rolled his brown eyes and spat out, “Shut the fuck up, won’t ya? Let me finish.”

Crossing my leg over my knee, I relented in a biting tone. “Fine.”

“Alyssa sent your audition video and resume to another company. They love your form, drive, and work ethic. And they want you to join their 10-city tour. On the West Coast. Rehearsals start in September; you’ll be on the road two weeks later.”

The look on my face must have been priceless. I could feel the scowl building and if I didn’t have couth, I probably would have growled at Evan. This was a bold-faced lie.  I'd never received second chances like that from an agency or dance company. One and done. Thank you, maybe next time.  

“Don’t pull my leg, Evan,” I sharply replied. “If this was the only reason why you came, to pull a shenanigan like this, I will kick you in your throat.”  I couldn’t face another lie or round of disappointment. Not now.

Evan reached in his pocket, taking out his cell phone. “Why would I lie to you, Gabs?  Come all this way to just shoot the breeze with your fiery ass. I’ll let you hear the message."

Sure enough, to my surprise, I heard words of acceptance and confirmation of a spot that was opened up for me to have. I would be a featured dancer for an electronica/indie group. They needed extra performers during their sets.

"What? Wow," I sighed, doing my fucking hardest to not break down in any kind of emotion. "This...is great."

Evan smiled. "I know, right? Couldn't do this over the phone. Had to see your face. I’m so proud of you, Gabs."

I covered my face to give myself a moment. Is this real? Finally, an opportunity that could change my life?

“Umm,” I bit my lip, feeling tears stream down my face. “Thank you, Evan.”

“Of course, we want you to succeed, Gabs,” he took my hand. “Call Nicky.”

Nodding my head, I fumbled for my phone.

“Nicky?”

“Sis, what’s wrong,” my brother answered frantically.

I was so choked up, I couldn’t get words out. “Nothing’s wrong. I think we may have a change of plans….”

 

* * *

 

 

“Hello?”

“Hi.”

“Hey. Couldn’t wait to call me before I go?”

“Uhh, I suppose,” I mumbled as I sprawled out on my bed. Doubt filled my mind as I wondered if I should cut to the chase with this phone call.

“Josh?”

“Yeah, babe?”

I slowly gulped for two reasons - I wasn’t particularly fond of being called called babe and I was waiting for a hammer to fall in the aftermath of my inquiry.

“Do you have any room at your house for me in a month?”

“Of course... Why?”

“I got offered a job in L.A. for 10 weeks and I was wondering if I could stay with you.”

I squeezed my eyes shut after my rambling, as if this would have dulled the painful anticipation.

“Gabrielle, that’s fucking wonderful! I knew something would come up.”

“Yeah, I don’t have any friends over live there,” I attempted to justify. “Well, none that I trust.”

“You...trust me?”

I stopped fiddling with my hair, a nervous habit I picked up since living in the City. I wasn’t expecting this question.

“Yes.”

“Gabrielle?”

“Yeah, Josh?”

“You can stay at my place as long as you need to.”

I gasped. His response shocked me more than the trust question. “Really? Thank you.”

“Yeah," he chuckled. "So, uh, I have about three more hours before I have to go to the airport. May I see you?”

I beamed at the thought of seeing Josh once more. “Sure. I’ll meet you at the studio.”

“Okay,” he answered with a hint of intrigue in his voice. “I’ll see you soon.”  
  


* * *

 

I arrived in front of the studio building, taking in the whole environment. This was my home away from home for three years. Countless memories of achievement and tears, but it all led up to this. As I sat down on the steps, I was reminded of the humidity of August that had arrived in full effect. The last month and a half moved shockingly fast and painfully slow at the same damn time. I wasn’t expecting any of this to occur. Everything was going according to my plans.  Life shook me up silly and told me to sit my ass down.

“Hey,” I heard him call.

“Hi, Josh.” I fixed my gaze on him and smiled. In a white t-shirt, dark grey jeans, and sunglasses on his face, his outfit reminded me of the day I first met him. I judged him so harshly and quickly by what he was wearing. God, assumptions are now a thing of the past.  So much has changed.  _I was changing_. 

“Whatcha got there?”

Josh looked down at the large bag he was carrying. “Nothing much. Just wanted to have my stuff with me, just in case I lose track of time.”  

“Want to go in,” I asked, bringing myself to standing.

Josh’s eyes sparkled. “Absolutely.”

I turned the doorknob into the studio. It seemed so long ago when we met, but only a month. The room was empty - which was my absolute favorite thing in the world.

“Remember when you showed me how to do that pas de deux,” Josh whispered as his arm slyly curled around my waist.

My ears perked as I shot a glance at him, with my jaw dropped to the floor.  “What in the hell? I never taught you that phrase.”

“I know. I google’d it. See, I can take initiative,” he said, placing a kiss on my temple. “Gabrielle, I told you. I was going to prove you wrong and make you feel a certain way about me. Hopefully for the better.

Josh’s answer made me light up, feeling like a giddy schoolgirl. “You’re making progress, Josh Hutcherson.” I suddenly turned on my heel and chasséd to the stereo, taking my iPod and plugging it into the auxiliary cord.

“God, you move fast.”

I ran back to Josh, extending my arm towards him.

"Dance with me?"

Josh took my hand and bowed. "Of course."

Quickly, he pulled me into his arms. I placed my head on his chest and we rocked back and forth. Step, touch. Step, touch. A pause here, ball changes over there. A new song's tempo changed, allowing our bodies to naturally move faster to the beat. Seeing Josh enjoy himself as we danced and jump around, then hearing his heart beat as I leaned on him caused me sigh blissfully. This was everything.

“Hey,” he whispered in a low register. “I wanna show you something.”

I broke out of my haze and pulled away from Josh.

“Look at me!”

Josh took four large steps back, planted his feet, then executed a pirouette in front of me. It didn’t matter to me that it was sloppy and so fucking exaggerated  - that excited me.

“Woohoo,” I clapped. “That was awesome, Josh! Do it again.”

“Nope! An New York exclusive. Maybe I’ll give you an encore when you arrive in L.A.,” a cheeky Josh replied. “C’mere!”

I decided to outdo him, and quickly chainé-turned to him. I used him as a spot as I rotated four times, in a high relevé, and sharply finish.

“You are amazing, don’t you forget this,” Josh chuckled, putting his hands on my hips.

“You are too. Thank you, Josh,” I struggled to reply. My eyes watched him for an answer, but no words followed. I was in a trance and my soft exhale prompted Josh to boldly reach for me. Our kisses were hasty, but meaningful. Our hands pulling and reaching for anything we could grasp. I sighed into his mouth, as if I needed him to breathe more, while grabbing at the bottom of his t-shirt and the loops of his jeans.

“We should go,” he breathed with his forehead touching mine. “Somewhere else.”

My eyebrows furrowed, not wanting to stop. “Where?”

“Over there,” I heard him say after a delay.  We were glancing at the door that led to the closet with hula hoops, spare shoes, and other crap.  Last time I went in there to retrieve props, I thought the area was ten feet wide. Just enough space for me to extend my leg somewhere.

Usually, I was never one to defile a dance hall or execute a vile act in my holy corner. But I needed more. I was willing to risk it. It was our last night. For a while.

I pulled away from Josh, grabbing his hand, and ran to the closet. We rushed in, he slammed the door behind him, and we went back to our “regularly scheduled program”. I leaned against the wall and groaned in Josh's ear as he swiftly rotated his hips into me, slipping his hands underneath my oversized tank top. His fingertips were calloused, but agile, and felt amazing on my skin. I could’ve came right then and there.

“Damn, your rhythm has improved." I yelled, flinging my head back, nearly giving myself a concussion and blowing my cover from anyone who could have entered the studio.

Seductively winking at me, Josh huskily commented. “Fuck yeah, it has. But I always have rhythm where it counts.”

We stared at each other for five seconds, before busting out in laughter. I patted his cheek. Josh’s eyes were shut, lines crinkled on the side; I couldn’t recall being so eager to join in and laugh with him. So full of life and joy.  His smile was more adorable than I thought before. I couldn’t resist any more.

“Damnit, Josh. This is ridiculous,” I exclaimed, trying to sober up from my drunken-kiss giggles. “We can’t do this here.”

He shook his head, eyes wide with passion. “No, but I can still kiss you right now.”

I draped my arms around Josh’s neck and purred, “Let’s go, handsome.”

“Ohhh!!”

Josh sassed me after kissing my neck. “We’re doing pet names now? You’re the one making progress, Gabi.”

Using my fingers to squeeze on his earlobe, I retaliated playfully, “Shut up. Keep on doing what you’re doing.”

Now I knew what I wanted.

To be happy with myself, with my work, and with _him_. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this story. It means a lot to know that you gave this story a try. xo

**Author's Note:**

> This is a new thing I'm doing. I hope you enjoy it.


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